Where the Real Demons Are
by EGB Fan
Summary: Egon is convinced there's "something coming", but it seems that other members of the team are too preoccupied with their own stuff to do anything about it.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Ghostbusters _and _Extreme Ghostbusters _© Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Fil Barlow. John and Eden Spengler © Fritz Baugh. Charlene Zeddemore created by Fritz Baugh, and developed by Brian Reilly and myself. Story and all other original characters © the author.

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**Where the Real Demons Are**

Part 1

"Heightened PK activity" and "definitely something coming" were two particular phrases, from the lips of Dr. Egon Spengler, that stuck with Peter Venkman when he went home on Monday night. But hours later, when he was lying in bed and it was nearing midnight, he was almost looking forward to whatever was coming to try and destroy the universe, or some such - just as long as it didn't yell.

Dana came back to bed with fury on her face and an order on her lips: "Go and get her to go to bed."

"How? I'm not gonna _drag_ her there," said Peter.

"Just _tell _her. She listens to you."

"No she doesn't."

"Yes she does."

"She'll go in her own time."

"If you don't start being firmer with her," said Dana, "she's going to be doing a _lot_ of things 'in her own time'."

"Fine," said Peter, and he climbed out of bed. It wasn't worth a long argument. He wanted to go to sleep, which would mean giving in to what was probably the greater of two evils - although, as he had learnt recently, you never really could tell.

As he went downstairs, he thought of all those anti-smoking and pro-contraception campaigns and such, whose worst threat for failing to comply with their message was becoming a _statistic_. "DON'T BE A STATISTIC!" Well, Peter thought, the Venkman household was certainly one of those now. He happened to know that statistically, mothers and teenage daughters argued more than any other combination of relatives. They argued more than mothers and sons, fathers and sons, fathers and daughters; they even argued more than spouses and siblings.

Jessica was in the kitchen, leaning against one of the surfaces and eating a bowl of ice cream. When she saw Peter she froze with the spoon in her mouth, and glared at him defiantly as though daring him to take away her midnight snack.

"Aren't you tired?" asked Peter.

Jessica shrugged, and said - at the same time pulling the spoon out of her mouth - "'Mungwy."

"Yeah? Dinner not up to much?"

"It was fine," said Jessica, "but it was hours ago."

"Yeah… about that," said Peter. "Honey… we _did_ ask you to be home by ten."

Dana had always hated the way he used endearments when he was supposed to be asserting his authority, and he had always done it. "Honey, don't draw on the walls with Mommy's lipstick." "Sweetheart, you know you're not supposed to forge my signature when you get a letter from school." If this one continued the way he and Dana feared, it would be, "Honey, didn't I ask you not to get yourself pregnant?"

"You didn't _ask_ me," Jessica said acidly. "You _told_ me."

"Well Jess, we _are_ your parents," Peter said timidly.

"This is _so_ not fair. You never gave Oscar curfews."

"Yes we did, when he was your age."

"Yeah, well… I'll bet he didn't get this much grief for missing them."

"Well he didn't miss them."

Jessica seemed not to have an answer to that. She said, "I didn't do it to spite you."

"No, I'm sure you didn't."

"_She_ thinks I did."

"I expect you just lost track of time," said Peter.

"Yeah." Jessica nodded slowly. "Yeah, I did."

"I don't suppose you wanna tell me what you were doing all that time?"

She played with her ice cream for a few moments, put the bowl down on the surface behind her and finally said, "I suppose I might as well. We were talking about… something pretty important. I'm pregnant."

Peter quite scared himself. He had never reacted so strongly to anything in his life - not even when Dana had uttered those words over fifteen years ago. And this time, it wasn't good. His whole body felt like it was collapsing in on itself. There was no breath in his lungs, and it was a gargantuan effort for him to suck in enough air to croak, "W-what?"

"Dad," said Jessica. He couldn't believe it. She was _laughing_ at him! "Calm down, I'm not _really_ pregnant."

"You're, you're not…?"

"April fool," she said coolly, and nodded towards the wall clock. It was past midnight.

The relief… it was even more overwhelming than the panic. Peter breathed in and out heavily for a very long time before he was finally able to say, "Don't _do_ that to me!"

"Oh, that was a good one," said Jessica.

"It's not funny."

"You wouldn't say that if you could have seen your face."

"Jess…" He was still trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah?"

"Happy birthday." Well, what else could he say?

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Garrett Miller had long been a fan of April Fools' Day, but even he knew that there were times when you had to restrain yourself - like when the friend you happened to be with looked like he had a gun in his back.

"Spence, are you okay?" asked Garrett. They were in the back of a cab, saving their money by sharing, but it was going to make at least one of them later than usual for work; they were stuck in traffic, and likely to be again before the second stop.

"No. I'm freaking out," Spencer Daniels replied.

"How come?"

"Well… it's April."

"So?"

"_So_," said Spence, "the baby's due _any minute_!"

It was obvious, now that he heard it, but Garrett wouldn't have guessed that Spence was nervous about the impending birth of his second child. He had seemed very happy to announce six months earlier that he'd impregnated his long-term girlfriend, Stephanie McBride. Garrett could just imagine their child, male or female; Spence was a blond-haired, athletic, all-American kind of guy, and Stephanie was just the same but more so.

"Spence, come on, you've been so excited about that," said Garrett.

"Well, yes, but mostly I've been shitting myself about it."

"Why?"

"Because," said Spence, "the last time I had a baby I got divorced."

"So what?" Garrett said dismissively. "It's different this time. You're older."

"Yes."

"You know more or less what to expect."

"Yes."

"And you love Stephanie."

"I loved Grace."

"No you didn't," said Garrett. "Not _really_. Not like you love Stephanie."

"Well," said Spence. "No."

Garrett nodded, apparently satisfied. "Well then."

He couldn't be bothered to spend the remainder of the journey convincing Spence that he had nothing to worry about, so he got him onto talking about basketball. Then, once they got to the firehouse, Garrett of course left his friend in the cab with his terror.

"Garrett!" Janine Spengler said brightly. "You'll never guess who's here."

"You'd better tell me, then," said Garrett.

"Stephie."

He remembered the name straightaway. It was the shortened version of Persephonethius, one of a community of mole people - or, as they preferred, sub-dwellers - whom he'd had a brief flirtation with when he was new to Ghostbusting. It had all seemed very intense at the time, but Garrett had all but forgotten her in the ten and a half years since she decided she didn't love him enough to abandon her sick elderly father and put down roots on a higher level of the city. She seemed an odd person to pick for an April Fools' joke.

"Sure," said Garrett.

"No, really," said Janine. "She is."

But he wasn't going to fall for it - which was why he was surprised when he found Stephie in the rec room, sipping on a cup of coffee and talking earnestly to Kylie Griffin. There was no one else there, even though Roland Jackson's Mustang was down in the foyer. Apparently he was hiding.

"Garrett!" Stephie leapt to her feet and beamed all over her face. "Hi!"

She was wearing sunglasses, and had once claimed that sub-dwellers were blind in daylight, but she seemed to be able to see a little now. Well, she had always done okay indoors, Garrett remembered.

"Hi," he said. "I, um, wasn't expecting to see you."

"I might leave you to it," said Kylie, getting to her feet.

Garrett looked desperately at her. "You don't have to - "

"I've been _dying_ to see you," said Stephie.

"Have you?" said Garrett. "I thought you were staying… you know… underground."

"Oh, don't be stupid - that was only ever temporary."

"It was?"

"Yes, until my father…" She broke off.

"Right," Garrett said. "So he, um…"

"Died."

"I'm sorry."

"He was a sick man."

"I remember," said Garrett, who at the time had expected Stephie's elderly father to last a lot less than ten years.

"It's been so hard, looking after him all this time," Stephie said tragically. "I wanted to keep him alive for as long as possible, but at the same time I knew I could never see you unless he _died_! Can you imagine what that's _like_?"

"Um…"

"I suppose you've been wondering when I'd come back, haven't you?"

"I… I did, for a while," Garrett said, quite truthfully. He had wanted her back for a good couple of weeks. "But I sort of… gave up expecting you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Garrett. It was driving me crazy. But I'm back now, and - "

"Whoa, whoa, Stephie!" Garrett said urgently, jerking his wheelchair back as she started advancing towards him with open arms. "That's, that's not what I want."

"What?" She stopped dead. "Why?"

"You were gone more than ten years."

"I know."

"What did you think - I was gonna just sit around waiting for you?"

"Well…"

"I got married."

Stephie's face clouded over, and she said thunderously, "You got _what_?"

"Married."

"To a _woman_?"

"Well, she was the last time I looked."

"I don't believe this!" wailed Stephie. "You were supposed to wait for me!"

"Well you never said," Garrett said defensively.

"But it was _obvious_!"

"Was it?"

"What about our emotional connection? What about our _love_?"

"We only knew each other for a few days," said Garrett. "I didn't love you. I'm sorry, but I didn't. Maybe I'd started to get there, but then you had to go home to look after your father and I… met someone else."

"I don't believe this." She was in tears now - it was quite ridiculous, Garrett thought. "After everything we went through!"

"We had some pizza and I held your hand while your dad was in court!"

"_We saved the city_!"

"We saved the city's power supply," said Garrett. "I do stuff like that all the time."

"So none of it meant _anything_ to you?"

"I didn't say that."

"So you got _married_, huh?" Stephie said sulkily. "What's her name?"

"Jo."

"How long have you been married?"

This was excruciating. "Almost three years."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes."

"For now," said Stephie. "You know almost half of all marriages end in divorce?"

"Everyone knows that," said Garrett.

"So what does _she_ have that I don't have?"

"Well, for one thing she doesn't live underground."

When he said that, she just glared at him. The tears fell faster, and then finally she stormed out of the room. Garrett sat there, feeling rather stunned, and then moments later Kylie and Roland fell laughing out of the kitchen.

"Glad we could amuse you," Garrett said dryly.

"That was really funny," Roland giggled childishly.

"She moans a lot, doesn't she?" said Kylie. "I'd forgotten how much she does it."

"She moaned all the time, Ky," said Roland. "You remember. 'My people are so misunderstood…' 'We're being blamed for the power failures because of people's prejudices…' 'I don't have any money to pay for my father's bail…'"

"All legitimate reasons to complain," said Garrett.

"Yeah," said Roland, "but she needed to lighten up a bit."

"Coming from you," said Garrett, "that's harsh. Oh, hi, Peter," as Peter walked in looking harassed. "You okay?"

"I had a really weird night," said Peter. "Jessica came home two hours past her curfew and told me she was pregnant."

"_What_?" the three younger Ghostbusters expostulated.

"It's okay, she's not," said Peter. "It was after midnight."

"Oh, yeah, that's a good one," Kylie said approvingly. "I did that one on Eduardo two years in a row. But then the next year I actually _was _pregnant."

"Did he fall for it both times?" asked Garrett.

"'Course he did," said Kylie.

"You have to take that seriously," said Peter, sounding very serious indeed.

Garrett then let out a sigh, and said, "It'd be nice if what Stephie just did was all an elaborate April Fools' prank."

"Isn't she the chick who's having Roland's girlfriend's ex's baby?" asked Peter.

"It's not a chick who's having the baby, Peter," Kylie said levelly. "It's a woman."

"No," said Garrett, "that's Steph_an_ie. Hmm… could get confusing. Stephie's just… an old flame."

Peter winced. "I hate it when that happens."

"You _were_ pretty upset when she went back to her people, Garrett," said Roland.

"Of course I was," said Garrett. "Why does everyone think I'm completely denying ever having felt anything for her? But it was a lifetime ago. You remember - you guys bought me a pizza and I cheered up, and I've cheered up even more in the ten years since then."

"But _she_ hasn't, huh?" Peter said sympathetically.

"Clearly not. Look, can we please change the subject now?" said Garrett. He started fumbling around in his pocket. "Look, here, take this - it's a birthday card for Jess."

"Oh, yeah, I've got one of those as well," said Kylie.

"Me too," said Roland.

Peter already had a birthday card for Jessica, which Janine had given to him on his way in. He was given three more, and then Roland asked how Jessica was planning to celebrate turning fifteen.

"She's having a party on Saturday night," said Peter. "Dana's not looking forward to it. After Oscar's fifteenth birthday party the whole house stank of puke, and then in the morning we found out we'd been sleeping on somebody's semen."

"Eww," said Garrett.

"Yeah, that's what _I _said. But quite frankly I don't care _who_ has sex this time as long as it's not Jess. She won't, though - not at a supervised party in her own house."

"Do you think they would?" Roland asked carefully.

"Yes," Peter said baldly. "He's eighteen and she's… rebellious."

"Ah," said Roland.

"What?" Peter was suddenly alert, clearly poised to pounce with questions. "What makes you say that?"

"I only said 'Ah'."

"Yes - _why_?"

"Well," said Roland. "I suppose I should tell you, really. Something's been… _bothering_ me. A-about Oz," he added timidly.

"Oh?" Peter said sharply.

"Well… you remember the first time we met him?"

"Yeah, so?"

"He came here and - "

"Told us a couple of crazy women were raising the dead, I know. So what?"

"So," said Roland, "he already knew them."

Peter blinked. "Knew who?"

"Those women. It was Wanda and Celine. You remember we told you about them?"

"He _knew_ them?"

"They were his tenants."

"They were _what_?" yelled Peter. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

Roland looked sheepish. "Didn't we?"

"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T!"

"It's complicated," Kylie jumped in. "Their being Oz's tenants… that's all tied up with something else."

"Yeah, it's tied up with my daughter's boyfriend lying about having a couple of witches renting a room from him!"

"Wait a minute," Roland said soothingly. "You weren't there, Kylie, but the rest of us were. Now, did Oz actually _say_ he didn't know them?"

"I certainly got that impression," said Garrett.

"Me too," Peter said sharply. "So why aren't we finding out why he made us believe he didn't know them? Kylie, you're not telling me something."

"It's private," Kylie said shortly.

"Not if - "

"_Wait_," Roland said tersely. "I don't believe Oz actually _said_ he didn't know them - and anyway, even if he _did_ say that, we couldn't prove it now. If we confront him about it, he'll just talk his way out of it. He'll say he didn't mean to give us that impression."

"Then we can take it to Jess," Peter said excitedly. "She was there too."

"But then _she__'__ll _confront him with it," said Roland. "And he'll say the same to her."

Peter just stared at him for a moment - and then finally collapsed onto an armchair, apparently defeated.

"What is he _doing_ with her?" he said quietly.

"And," said Kylie, "there's the fact he had Chita and Rose's missing doll. I'm sure he got that from Celine and/or Wanda. They… might have been able to use it themselves."

"What for?"

"That's private."

"It used to belong to Jessica," said Peter. "Oh, God. What am I going to do?"

They were all silent for a very long time. Peter was lamenting over Jessica, and Roland and Kylie were both thinking of her too; but Garrett's thoughts immediately wandered back to Stephie. Then, after a time, Egon Spengler came in.

"Egon" Peter said wearily. "You're lucky - you know that?"

"Oh?" said Egon.

"_Your_ daughter's just like you. She won't even know boys _exist_ until she's, like, thirty."

"Ah," Egon said. "She's still seeing Oz, then? Perhaps you ought to tell her not to."

"Oh, God, you're just like Dana," said Peter. "Why does nobody understand that trying to stop her will only make things worse?"

"Well there's no time to argue about it now," said Egon. "We just got a call."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie, Roland, and Garrett responded to the call, leaving Peter and Egon to argue about parenting techniques if they wanted to. The job sounded like something that the three of them could handle; it was a well-to-do law firm being ravaged by creatures between two and three feet high. From the description of small, mischievous humanoids given over the phone, they didn't sound particularly deadly; but by the time the Ghostbusters arrived, quite a few lawyers lay groaning on their office floors and one was bleeding profusely from his left ear.

"What did it do to you?" Roland asked with concern.

"It bit me," the lawyer replied tersely. "There's at least three of them."

The first two were easy to find; they were in a large office, tearing up the contents of a filing cabinet. They looked exactly like miniature, extremely ugly humans - ugly as in crooked mouths, even more crooked noses, black and brown teeth and one eye bigger than the other. They spotted the Ghostbusters straightaway, and both began to lick their lips as they looked lustily at the new arrivals. Then suddenly one of the things leapt forward and attached itself to Garrett's face. Garrett cried out, and started trying to pull the thing away.

Roland stepped in first, and started tugging at the creature's hips, but in spite of its size it was too strong for him. Kylie came to help, and they each locked both hands onto one of the creature's arms, wincing to think of what all this was doing to Garrett's complexion. Finally, they managed to tear the thing away. It left four claw marks in each of Garrett's cheeks, and tooth marks on his nose.

"Ooh," Kylie winced. "Are you all right?"

"Just blast the damn things," Garrett said impatiently.

Once the excitement was over, trapping the two creatures was quick and simple. The three Ghostbusters then went out to the car to retrieve another trap. As they were re-entering the office building, Roland asked, "Any idea what they are?"

"Some kind of imp or sprite or something," said Kylie. "Could be goblins. They look about the right size, and they're ugly enough."

"What do they want?" asked Garrett.

"To horrifically injure people, I guess," said Kylie. "C'mon - trail leads this way."

The third and, hopefully, final maybe-goblin was in a small office, dismantling one of the computers. When the Ghostbusters found it, it was chewing on a small metal part, but it quickly decided it didn't like it and spat it out.

"This one thinks it's a gremlin," murmured Roland.

They managed to trap this one before it even spotted them. A quick search of the building then revealed that there were no more, so the three Ghostbusters were able to promise one of the injured lawyers an invoice and then go back to the Ecto-1. As soon as they were settled, Janine contacted them via the two-way radio.

"Bloomingdales," she said. "Sounds like more of the same."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was a busy day. After Bloomingdales there were goblins at McDonald's, and at somebody's two-bedroom apartment, and each time there were three. People weren't being killed - or not yet, at any rate - but they _were_ being injured, and most of those injuries were very unpleasant. Then, just when he thought he could go home, Garrett was approached by Stephie again and made to listen to yet more of her troubles.

When he finally got home, Jo had just finished putting their young son Max to bed. The first thing she said when she saw Garrett was, "Don't go in - it took me ages to get him horizontal."

Garrett saw that their young dog Knicks - a hotchpotch of who knew how many breeds - was lying panting on the living room floor. Clearly he had been helping Jo in trying to tire Max out.

"There's no food in the apartment," Jo went on. "We'll order a pizza. What took you so long, anyway? Ooh - what happened to your face? That looks nasty."

"Goblins," said Garrett. "We had four separate calls."

"Yeah? Guess the pizza's on you, then."

"Jo," Garrett said tentatively. "Don't get mad."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Don't give me a reason to get mad."

"I met up with an old friend today," said Garrett, "and she kinda just got here and doesn't have anywhere to stay."

"So you offered her the couch?"

"Yeah."

"Well that's all right - I wouldn't want your friend to sleep on the streets."

"She's kind of an ex-girlfriend," said Garrett.

At that Jo laughed, and said, "Babe, what do you think I am? It doesn't bother me if she's your ex-girlfriend. You're not going to run off with her, are you?"

"No," said Garrett. "But you're not going to like her anyway."

"I might."

"I doubt it."

"Bring her in."

The arrival of the pizzas half an hour later was a welcome interruption. It was exactly as Garrett had expected. When he came back from making his exchange with the delivery boy, Stephie was still moaning and Jo was still clearly suppressing an urge to hit her.

"And he was _so_ surprised when I said we had TV down there," Stephie was saying. "Like we're living in a time warp or something. We're not savages."

"That's what you said at the time, isn't it, Stephie?" Garrett said brightly.

"Y'know," said Jo, "Eduardo's a friend of mine."

"Poor you," said Stephie. "He's so prejudiced - but that doesn't make him exclusive, I guess. Everyone judges us. Did I tell you about how my father was blamed for - "

"Yes."

"Y'know, Stephie - Eddie's grown up a lot since then," said Garrett. "He's got kids now and everything."

"Kids? Really?" said Stephie. "I wanted to have kids, but I was so busy looking after my father, I just couldn't. I still could, but the men here are all so narrow-minded. Nobody'll want to get involved with me when they find out I'm a sub-dweller."

"Well," said Jo, "here's an idea. Don't tell them."

"Oh, I couldn't do that," said Stephie. "That would be such an insult to my people."

"Okay," said Jo, "well, another alternative might be to not make assumptions about how 'top-dwellers' are going to treat you based on a couple of things that one guy said to you more than ten - "

"Ooh, telephone," Garrett said brightly. "Can you get it, honey? I can't because I'm physically disabled."

He made her smile, at any rate. Jo went to the answer the phone, and came back moments later to let Garrett know that he had been called out again.

"I'm told Egon's on his way to pick you up," said Jo. "If that's all right with you."

"'Course it is," said Garrett, grateful for an excuse to get away.

Jo glared at him for a moment. Then she said, "Honey, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute, please?"

He followed her to the kitchen, knowing exactly what she was going to say. She said it: "You are not leaving me alone with her!"

"Yes I am," said Garrett.

"That's cruel."

"I _knew_ you wouldn't like her."

"Then asking her to stay with us was a pretty shitty thing to do," retorted Jo. "She's a complete nightmare - all she does is whine! I'm disappointed in you, Garrett. I can't believe you went for her just because she's pretty."

"How do you know I went for her just because she's pretty?"

"Because what else could it be? _Nothing_ about her is appealing."

"That's harsh," said Garrett. "I guess I felt like I needed to look after her, when she came to us more in need of help than your average customer. She was vulnerable."

"What," said Jo, "like I was when you met me?"

"Well," said Garrett, "Stephie didn't have two broken legs - but yeah, kinda."

"Where the hell does she get off calling herself Stephie, anyway? There's no ST in Persephonethius."

"Jo, honey, it's getting pretty late. If I were you I'd yawn ostentatiously and drop hints about wanting to go to bed."

"How long is she staying?"

"Oh, God, I don't know," Garrett sighed. "How easy do you suppose it is for an ex-mole person to get a job and a place to live in Manhattan?"

"I hate you, Garrett."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When the Ecto-1 turned up, Egon was driving it - as Jo had promised - and his only passenger was Eduardo Rivera.

"Hold on a minute," said Garrett. "How come Ky and Roland get out of this?"

"Because Roland's busy," said Egon, "and Kylie persuaded Eduardo to come instead of her. I'm glad _you_ could make it, Garrett - we need to know if this thing is the same as the other creatures you trapped today."

"We showed you a picture," Garrett said tartly.

"Would you rather not come?" asked Egon.

Garrett thought of Max and Knicks both asleep back in his apartment, unable to protect him from Stephie and Jo. "No, no - let's get on with it."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

This time, it was a warehouse. Demons were fond of those, it seemed. This one had attacked a young man working a late shift, who was now hunched over on his knees just inside the doorway and coughing up blood. His hand was clutched to his stomach; he couldn't speak, and refused to move.

"I'll call an ambulance," said Garrett.

"I'll do that," said Eduardo. "You go with Egon and do your identity parade."

Egon and Garrett gently persuaded the man to move aside, and then went into the warehouse. What they found was just… weird. And not very nice. The small humanoid creature was pressed up against the corner of a packing crate, and making love to it. Garrett had seen a lot of that behaviour from Knicks, before the vet had castrated him, but never from any kind of supernatural creature - and he never wanted to see it again. Against his better judgement, he said loudly, "That's completely disgusting!"

Of course, this caught the creature's attention. Egon acted quickly, catching it in a powerful proton stream, and Garrett threw down the trap.

"Well?" said Egon, once the creature was inside the trap. "Was it?"

"Was it what?" Garrett asked dazedly.

"The same thing as before."

"Oh, er… yeah, definitely."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Right," said Egon. "That makes thirteen."

"Is that significant?" asked Garrett.

"It could be."

"What, like part of your 'something coming' significant?"

"Well," said Egon, "whilst I don't want to jump to conclusions, at the same time we can't rule anything out."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland was going out that night with his girlfriend, Grace Temple. He'd met her in July, and it was now the following April. He had thought it was going really well with her, but suddenly things were feeling a bit weird. He felt guilty about being so desperate to sleep with her, for one. He had also been feeling increasingly odd as Stephanie - Grace's successor in the heart of Spencer Daniels - progressed through her pregnancy. It was hard to tell why. Maybe he was getting broody - even jealous. Babies and pregnancies represented a lot of what Roland wanted out of life, both in the long- and the short-term, and once or twice he had caught himself wondering what a one-time racist gang member had done to deserve so many chances in life.

Before he went to pick Grace up, Roland made a split-second decision to call another woman. He was in his car, ready to start up the ignition, when suddenly he took out his cell phone and started trawling through the stored numbers until he found her.

"Sorry to call so late," he said.

"Must be important," Celine Beck remarked nonchalantly.

"Kind of," said Roland. "It's about Oz."

Celine had been tenant to Oz for a while, along with her lover, Wanda Kazinsky. Wanda was now languishing in a mental institution, probably plotting horrible revenges for all kinds of people, while Oz was keeping a lookout for potential new tenants but not going out of his way to find any. Celine, as far as Roland knew, was in New Jersey trying to make herself happy.

She couldn't help him with the question of whether Oz had pretended not to know her and Wanda, so Roland went straight to the issue of the doll. He asked her if she knew which doll he meant, and she didn't hesitate to answer in the affirmative, so he went on, "All the evidence suggests that Wanda stole it from Carl Rivera's house. Is that true?"

"Yes," said Celine.

"Why?"

"It was just something to do with the revenge on Eduardo."

"That's very vague," said Roland.

"Look," said Celine. "It's not worth you asking me any more. You obviously want me to tell you all kinds of terrible things about Oz, but I'm not going to. He was good to me and Wanda - I have a loyalty to him."

"So he _did_ do something we should know about?"

"Who am I to decide what you should and shouldn't know about?"

"Celine, please…"

"Are you worried about that Jessica girl?"

Roland blinked. "He told you about her?"

"Because if _that__'__s_ what this is all about, you don't need to worry. Oz isn't going to deflower her any time soon."

"So if the doll thing was about your revenge," said Roland, "does that mean Oz knew what you and Wanda were up to?"

"I'm happy that you kept my number, Roland," said Celine. "I suppose I _might_ be able to tell you something. Maybe you should come down here and see me, and we can come to some kind of… _understanding_."

Recognising that tone of voice, Roland ended the call immediately and threw the phone down as though it burned him. He'd been tempted by Celine before, but always managed to say no to her - and particularly after he found that she and her lover had one of his closest friends manacled to a basement wall. But that didn't mean he was completely past it - he didn't want to hear any more of that come hither stuff from her. He turned the ignition key and made his way to Grace.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Spence must be getting pretty excited about the baby."

Even as he said it, Roland couldn't believe that the words were coming out of his mouth. How did they always end up going out to dinner and talking about Spence?

"I guess he must," said Grace. "I think he's nervous, though."

"What about Natalie - how's she?"

"Well… where she's concerned, I've got my fingers crossed it'll be a boy."

"Why? Would she get less jealous, or something?"

"I think so," said Grace. "And she'd never be able to play with a girl, if she's all dolls and tea parties like I suspect Stephanie's daughter _would_ be."

"Do _you_ wanna have more kids?" It just came out - he couldn't stop it.

Grace looked alarmed for a moment. Then she laughed, and said, "This is getting a bit intense, isn't it?"

Roland shrugged, trying to look casual. "I only wondered."

"I don't know."

Her answer kind of punched him in the stomach. It was better than a no, he supposed, but it wasn't the answer he'd been hoping for.

"Why wouldn't you?" he asked baldly.

Grace stared at him. "You can't ask me that!"

"I don't see why not. It sort of affects _me_, doesn't it?"

"Does it?" Grace said sharply. "So, like, if I say no you're going to stop seeing me? Am I just a uterus and a couple of ovaries to you?"

"Of course not," Roland said irritably.

"Have you made any other plans for my body that I should know about?"

"It's not a _plan_," said Roland. "But if you don't want to have more kids - "

"I didn't say that."

"Look… I _do_."

"Oh, right, I see," said Grace. "So when you asked me out, you were already thinking _that_ far ahead? That's just… it's demoralising!"

"It's _normal_," said Roland. "When you start dating someone you always know on some level that you're ultimately heading towards marriage and parenthood."

"That's horrible!"

"No it isn't. Isn't that how it was for you and Spence?"

"No," said Grace. "And I didn't think it was like that for you either. You're not _supposed_ to be heading towards marriage and kids from the outset. You go out, you maybe fall in love, and you decide on the way whether marriage and children is what's right for you."

"Well I'm sorry," said Roland, "but it's what I want. And if you don't then I'd rather you let me know."

"What, so you can dump me?"

He sighed. "Just so that I know."

"Well," Grace said tightly. "I am not going to decide right now, in the middle of having dinner, whether or not I want to have your children!"

She said it loudly enough to get a few stares. Then she got up and stormed out of the restaurant.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next morning, Roland arrived at the firehouse to an alarming scene. Garrett was there, politely ignoring it, which couldn't have been easy. Roland walked in just in time to see Eduardo stepping between Kylie and Peter, and saying to the latter, "Back off."

"All right," said Peter. "_You_ tell me what it is you're keeping from me."

"We told you everything we know!" said Eduardo. "We told you about the manacles and his weird magic powers - how can we help it if that isn't enough to make her dump him?"

"If Eduardo or I knew anything else about Oz," Kylie said, through gritted teeth, "we would tell you."

Roland bit his lip, wondering whether or not he ought to tell Peter about last night's conversation with Celine. But what had he learnt? He suspected that Oz had _maybe _done something that at least one of them - probably Eduardo, maybe Jessica - wouldn't like, and the only way he could find out what it was would be to prostitute himself.

"Hey, Roland," said Garrett, beckoning him over. Roland went and sat near him. "Know of any jobs going where you don't need any qualifications or life experience?"

"Why?" asked Roland.

"Stephie."

"Oh yeah, of course."

"I have _got_ to get rid of her!" said Garrett. "She's been there one night and my marriage is in tatters!"

"Oh come on," said Roland. "You're exaggerating."

"Well, Jo isn't happy with me. This morning Stephie was complaining about Knicks begging her for scraps at breakfast. Jo was furious."

"Well, you know how she loves her dog."

"I asked Peter if he'd, like, make up some pretend job for her with the Ghostbusters," said Garrett. "But he won't - he says he's not going to pay somebody to do a fake job. But what _can_ she do? I mean, you can imagine the interview, can't you? 'So where have you been for the past twenty-nine years, anyway?' 'Oh, well, I've been living in this big hole in the ground eating rats.'"

"I'm sure they don't eat rats."

"Yeah? So then what _do_ they eat down there?"

"Um…"

"It wouldn't be a problem if she just had _some_ kind of work," said Garrett. "I mean, she could live in Oz's spare room, couldn't she?"

"Of course she could," said Roland, amazed he hadn't thought of that himself.

"But he won't take her if she can't pay rent."

"Well, I don't know. Oz seems… pleasant enough, most of the time. I think he might actually be a nice guy. If you talked to him, maybe you could come to an arrangement."

"Like what?"

"I don't know - you'll have to talk to _him _about it."

"Look," Eduardo's incensed tones cut across their conversation. "Just stay the hell away from her, okay?"

He was still addressing Peter, but this time got no reply. The older man just glared at them both for a few seconds, and then left with a distinct this-isn't-over aura about him.

"Hey." Apparently not satisfied with the amount of tension in the air already, Kylie nudged Eduardo enough to make him sway. "I don't need you to fight my battles for me. If I want him to leave me alone, I can tell him myself."

"But you didn't," said Eduardo. "And if he keeps chipping away at you like that…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You think I'm going to tell him, don't you? You don't trust me with - "

"I didn't say that!"

"Jesus," murmured Garrett, as Eduardo and Kylie continued to bicker. "And I get the distinct feeling Peter's marriage isn't exactly a bed of roses at the moment either. _Please_ tell me you and Grace are okay, Roland."

Roland said nothing.

"Oh, Roland!"

"You know all relationships have their ups and downs," Roland said irritably.

"Yeah, but do they have to have their downs all at the same time?"

"At least Spence and Stephanie are doing all right - baby on the way and everything."

"Yeah," said Garrett, though he didn't sound convinced.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Days went by, and tensions mounted. Garrett had no idea how he was going to get Stephie out of his apartment; Spence grew more and more terrified of his unborn child; Roland and Grace apologised to each other, but clearly each of them still felt insecure over what their argument had revealed about the other.

Jessica came home late again on Friday night, and Dana grounded her. No one bothered telling Peter about it until early afternoon on Saturday. Jessica was up in her room, doing her homework, when she heard him yelling, "Why can't you understand that grounding someone like Jessica only MAKES THINGS WORSE!"

At that she threw down her pen, stormed out of her room, leant over the banister and yelled, "What do you mean, 'someone like Jessica'?"

Peter appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking frazzled, and said, "Oh, you know. Headstrong, independent…"

"You mean an obnoxious teenager who always does the opposite of what she's told on principle."

Peter frowned at her. "_I_ know what I mean."

"Okay, so do you mean I'm ungrounded?"

"Well…"

"Dad, please," said Jessica, squashing down her fury for maximum puppy eyes effect. "I've been doing simultaneous equations for hours - I have _got_ to get out of here!"

"All right," said Peter. "Just for an hour."

For the next thirty-odd seconds, it wasn't good. Dana came out of the kitchen and started screaming something at Peter about undermining her. Jessica fetched a jacket, and then Dana caught her by the wrist on her way to the front door. Jessica yelled like a five year old and gave the impression that the bones in her wrist could break at any moment with the pressure Dana was applying. Finally she kicked her mother in the shin extremely hard, and made good her escape.

Jessica walked down the street until she could no longer hear her parents yelling at each other. Then she took out her cell phone, and called Oz.

"I'm running away from home for a couple of hours," she said. "Will you meet me somewhere?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

He met her in Central Park, and listened attentively to her woes under the shade of a tall tree. Then, when at last she seemed to have finished, Oz said, "I'm so sorry to be the cause of ructions between you and your mother."

"It's not _your_ fault," said Jessica. "It's hers."

"Is it? Entirely?"

"Yes."

"I think you must have lied to me about your curfew again," said Oz. "Midnight seemed reasonable for a fifteen year old on a Friday night, but maybe next time I should take it to mean eleven o'clock."

"Hey!" said Jessica, brightening suddenly. "Can I stay with you tonight? Make them think I really _have_ run away?"

"Oh, Jessica," Oz said dramatically. "No."

"Just until this evening, then - long enough to make her worry. Then I can still have my party."

"Why would you want your mother to worry about you? If she thought you'd run away, or something had happened to you, can't you imagine what that would do to her? Whatever she's done, I don't think you believe she deserves that."

"She wouldn't worry _that_ much," Jessica said sulkily. "She'd only think I was having sex with you."

"Well, that would hardly help the situation, would it?"

"If I tried telling her how much you don't even seem to _want_ to," said Jessica, "she'd think I was making it up."

"Why assume that?" said Oz. "Maybe she'd be glad to hear it."

"She'd never believe it. You're an eighteen-year-old guy."

"And you're a fifteen-year-old girl. I hope she doesn't really think I would."

"Of course she does," said Jessica. "She at least thinks you _want_ to. Shows what she knows, doesn't it?" she added bitterly.

"Oh, Jessica," said Oz. "This again?"

"Oz, we've been going out nearly five months, and you've kissed me _twice_."

"Really? Is that all?"

"There's got to be more to this than just talking about books."

"I can't, Jessica," said Oz. "It isn't appropriate."

"I don't mean I want to have _actual_ sex!" Jessica said loudly. "I'm not asking you to break the law. Just… you know… we could fool around a little bit, couldn't we?"

"Jessica," said Oz. "You are too young to consent to _any_ sexual activity."

She scowled. "Bullshit I am."

"You're younger than you know."

"I don't get it," said Jessica. "If you don't want me like that even a _little_ bit, what the hell are you doing with me?"

"Angel," said Oz, brushing her hair away from her face, and smiling as her scowl deepened. "I haven't said I don't want you."

"But if you're not going to - "

He cut her off by kissing her. It went on for a few seconds, and then he pulled away.

"I hate it when guys do that," said Jessica.

"What, kiss you?"

"Cut me off in the middle of a sentence."

"I do apologise," said Oz. "But you could have stopped me."

"Ha, yeah, right," said Jessica. "That's probably all you're gonna give me for another two or three months."

"I enjoy your company," said Oz. "Why can't that be enough?"

"Actually," said Jessica, "I'm beginning to think maybe I _should_ have sex soon. See, the Ghostbusters seem to think there's 'something coming', and I don't want to die a virgin."

"Something coming?" said Oz, looking concerned. "What?"

"How should I know?"

"Well, Jessica, I'm sure your father and his trusty companions can stop whatever it is that's threatening your young life. But just in case they can't, before you start trying to persuade me to take your virginity, I wish you'd make up with your mother."

"I can't," said Jessica.

"Why not?"

"I hate her."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't tell me what I do and don't mean!" snapped Jessica.

"I'm sorry," said Oz. "I didn't mean it like that. There's a thin line between love and hate, of course. I _know_ you love her."

Jessica nodded slowly. "I _do_ love her."

"But why hate her also?"

"It's not so much that I hate her," said Jessica. "It's just that I really resent her trying to run my life. I find it so hard to listen to her because I have no respect for her."

"None at all? Really?"

"Absolutely _none_. She could have done so much with her life, but instead she marries the first asshole that asks her and has a kid; then she gets another chance - you remember I told you she played for the LA Symphony - and what does she do? She marries again, has me and then brings us all to New York - away from her last chance of actually _making_ something of herself - just because my dad tells her to! It's just so _regressive_!"

"She sacrificed a career for marriage and children," Oz said summarily.

"If I ever end up like her, I'll kill myself."

"That seems a little melodramatic."

"Stop criticising everything I say! I say what I want and I do what I want, and no _man_ is ever going to stop me - you got that?"

"Loud and clear, my dear."

"She's just trying to turn me into another one of _her_," Jessica said vehemently. "All this no boyfriends, you're grounded, you have to get good grades and go to college…"

"Well," said Oz, "that _would_ improve your career prospects."

"No," said Jessica, "it would improve my _husband_ prospects."

"Do you really believe that's what she has planned for you?"

"Of course I do. Because wouldn't it sting if she saw her daughter do something with her life other than get married and squeeze out a couple of kids."

"Jessica," said Oz. "Please listen to me. If your mother wants to see you married to a good man whom you love, and for you and him to bring new life into the world, then it's only because she wants to see you happy. If she knows that you need something else - something you think of more than that - to make you happy, then _that__'__s_ what she wants for you. She can never resent you, Jessica. Your mother loves you, _and_ your brother, more than you love her. A mother's love is the strongest there is. Surely you know that."

"Jesus Christ, Oz, you make me sound like such a bitch," muttered Jessica.

"You're just young and impetuous," said Oz. "You know all of that really, and I think that on how ever deep a level, you love her for it."

"I still wish she was handling all this differently."

"Of course you do. That's perfectly understandable."

"Oz," said Jessica. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"What happened to _your_ mother?"

"Ah, of course," said Oz. "I can see how my impassioned speech would make you curious about that. It's tragic, I suppose, but not so much for me. I never knew her. She died giving birth to me."

"Oh my God, that's terrible - I'm so sorry!"

Oz shrugged. "You don't miss what you never had."

"I didn't think that happened anymore, with modern medicine and everything."

"Well," said Oz, "obviously I don't remember it, but I was told that the birth was rather medieval. She had me at home, with only an ill-equipped midwife to help her."

"And, um… what about your dad?"

Oz was silent for a moment. Then he smiled at her, and said, "Another day, _querida_. It is time now that you were going home."

He stood up, and then offered her his hands, but Jessica waved them off and got to her feet without his assistance. They then walked a few steps, but stopped when they felt the ground shaking. They looked at each other, unsure what to say. Then the ground shook again, a little more violently this time, and enough to send everyone in the vicinity tumbling to the ground.

"Okay, well, that couldn't have been an earthquake," said Jessica, scrambling to her feet.

Then there were screams, and a horde of running people appeared on the horizon. The ground continued to shake, and into view came what looked to be a particularly large stone giant. It was wielding an enormous club, and occasionally swinging at people with an expression of mild curiosity on its ugly face. As Oz and Jessica watched, somebody was hit with the club, and went flying a good two hundred yards or so. Jessica gave an involuntary gasp, and then whipped out her cell phone.

"What's _that_ doing here?" Oz puzzled. "It's supposed to be somewhere in Scandinavia."

"Hi, Janine," Jessica said into her cell phone. "Have you had any calls about a, um…?"

"Mountain troll," said Oz.

"Mountain troll."

"Why?" asked Janine.

"Well," said Jessica, "I'm in Central Park, and there's one here."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was Eduardo, Roland, Garrett and Egon who responded to the call. Once they arrived in Central Park, the twenty-foot troll was not difficult to spot. Roland brought the Ecto-1 to a screeching halt as soon as he saw it. As the four Ghostbusters piled out of the car, Jessica ran into view looking breathless and alarmed.

"_There_ you are!" she yelled. "What took you so long? This is a total nightmare! It's broken loads of people's arms and legs, and it _ate_ somebody's dog!"

"Well thank goodness it didn't eat any _people_," said Egon, as the three younger Ghostbusters made their way towards the troll.

"It _wanted_ to," said Jessica. "I started throwing rocks and stuff at it, so it started going for _me_, and then Oz distracted it and… I don't know, we seem to have managed."

"Oh, well done," said Egon.

"Well, you have to do what you can, don't you? Oh, hi," as Oz drew up beside her. "I _did_ ask Oz if he could do anything about it, Egon, but apparently he doesn't have _those_ kinds of magical powers."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Spengler," said Oz. "There's not much I can do against a mountain troll."

"I'm sure you did your best," said Egon. "Excuse me a minute, will you?"

He made his way towards the troll and the other three Ghostbusters, who had their proton streams wound around the monster's legs. It was struggling quite a lot, but - in spite of being made of something as everyday as stone - seemed unable to shake them off.

"Egon, is this gonna work?" Roland asked loudly. "It's made of stone."

Egon squinted at it. "I don't think that's ordinary stone. That substance _is_ the entity - it's not masking anything else. Who's got the trap?"

"You!" Garrett said irritably.

"Oh," said Egon, "so I have."

He threw down the ghost trap and, though it was a struggle to start off with, the troll was dragged laboriously inside without any real problems.

"Well," said Garrett, "that wasn't too hard."

"Thank goodness no one's dead," remarked Egon. "That could have been nasty."

"Had someone better call an ambulance or two?" asked Roland, but even as he spoke two such items appeared.

"Jessica probably did that," said Egon. "It sounds like she coped very well."

"What did she do?" asked Eduardo, as they started making their way back towards Jessica, Oz and the Ecto-1.

"She threw stuff at it," said Egon.

Eduardo nodded. "That's probably what I would have done. Hey - I don't suppose _that _was the something coming, was it?"

"Definitely not," said Egon, frowning down at his PKE meter. "There _is_ something very big indeed trying to make its way to us, but it doesn't seem to have made much progress yet - it's still too far away for me to be able to figure out what it is."

When they reached Jessica, she was putting away her cell phone. As soon as he was within earshot she said to Egon, "That was my dad. Janine called him about the troll, and he got worried and called _me_, and now he's gone to the firehouse and he wants you to take me there. Oh, good, my ambulances finally got here. Will you?"

"Of course," said Egon. "Get in. Oz, do you need a ride anywhere?"

"Oh no thank you, I'm quite capable of walking," Oz said pleasantly.

"Oz," said Jessica, who was already halfway into the car. "Don't be late tonight. I need you to help me with my cocktail wieners."

"Oh, hey, Oz," Garrett said suddenly. "How much is that spare room going for?"

"Well," said Oz, "I was charging Celine and Wanda eight hundred dollars a month."

"That's not much," Garrett said, sounding pleasantly surprised.

"Yes, well, it isn't a very good neighbourhood - and besides, they were poor."

"Yeah, well… it's still more than my friend can afford."

"Perhaps we can haggle."

"I doubt it," said Garrett. "She's unemployed."

"Oh," said Oz. "Well, I can hold the room for her until she finds work, if you like."

Garrett smiled weakly. "Thanks."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Hey." Kylie, reading up on goblins and mountain trolls in the firehouse kitchen later that afternoon, beckoned Eduardo over when he happened to enter the room. "Do you remember that fight we had about Peter and everything?"

"Yeah," said Eduardo.

"Did we ever make up properly?"

"What - properly, like, saying sorry and then having wild sex?"

"I guess."

"No."

Kylie laughed. "Well, we'd better do that later, then."

"Cool," said Eduardo. "Any special reason?"

"Yes." She turned the heavy hardback she was reading round on the table, and thrust it towards him. "Take a look at that. In some legends huge malevolent flesh-eating trolls, like the kind you guys dealt with earlier, are said to be misunderstood. Their reputation is founded on human weaknesses such as greed, stupidity and pride."

"But Ky," said Eduardo, "that troll was pretty mean - we told you."

"Yeah, I know, I admit it sounds bad," said Kylie. "I'm not saying it doesn't deserve a bloodthirsty reputation - but we have to think about the bigger picture here. Maybe that was, like, a _symbolic_ troll."

"What?"

"Egon keeps telling us that something's coming, right? Well, maybe that was part of it. Maybe that troll and the goblins were just harbingers for something bigger. Look." She thrust another book at him. "This legend says that goblins are the malevolent aspect of elves and fairies once their anger is roused. According to this, a goblin is a mischievous sprite that's become disfigured by rage, if it's crossed _by a mortal_."

"Okay," said Eduardo, "so what does that have to do with the troll?"

"Well, what one thing do these legends have in common?"

"I feel like I'm in school."

"Human failings!" Kylie said impatiently. "I think someone or something is mad at us."

"What, you and me?"

"The human race in general. I mean, look at what's been going on. Jessica's been bickering with her mom, and Peter's been getting at Dana about that, and then he's getting at _me_ about the whole Oz thing, and then that made you blow up at _him_, and then you and I fought about _that_, and meanwhile Garrett's got Stephie living in his house causing all _kinds_ of problems, and we're just one insignificant little group of people!"

Eduardo raised his eyebrows. "_That__'__s_ why you wanna patch things up with me?"

"Well," said Kylie, "it seems as good a reason as any."

"It sounds a bit like the slime thing to me - we need to get the mayor to go on TV and tell everyone they have to be nice to each other."

"If I'm right," said Kylie, "that may help, if it were possible, but it's not _really_ like the slime thing. It's… it's something _conscious_ - like a demon or something. And we can probably expect at least one more harbinger before we see it - or maybe two or five."

"Yeah?" said Eduardo. "And what'll _they_ be?"

"It's impossible to say."

"Okay, listen," said Eduardo. "I'm sorry about getting all overprotective about Peter - I know you hate that. But it's not _just_ because I love you and everything."

"No?"

"No. It's because I want him off our backs - I don't like him asking questions."

"Oh," said Kylie, "so it _is_ because you don't trust me not to blab."

"It's not that I don't trust you," said Eduardo.

"So what is it?"

He looked uncomfortable. "How long before we get to the wild sex part?"

Kylie relaxed her expression, and patted him on the arm. "Sorry, babe - you'll have to wait 'til we get home and the girls are asleep. Hey… I'm sorry I overreacted about it all."

"Don't sweat it."

They kissed briefly, and then Kylie caught sight of Peter wandering about in the next room. She pushed Eduardo away from her and called, "Hey, Peter!"

Peter came into the room and looked expectantly at her.

"I promise you," Kylie said earnestly, "that if I or Eduardo knew anything _at all_ about Oz that we thought you should know about, we would tell you. You have to believe that."

"I _do_ believe that," said Peter. "I just…" He looked furtively over his shoulder, and then ventured further into the room, where he began to talk in whispers. Presumably, he was worried about Jessica overhearing. "I just don't think you're telling me everything, and I don't see how you can be so sure you haven't missed something. I mean… _how_ do you know his father had magic manacles in his basement?"

"We _were_ reasonably well acquainted with his tenants," said Kylie.

"So you were," said Peter. "It's the doll thing that really bothers me. _Why _would this Wanda person steal _your_ kids' doll and give it to Oz?"

"She may not have actually given it to him," said Eduardo. "Maybe he just… found it."

"But what would _she_ want with it?"

"What would _he _want with it?"

"It belonged to my daughter!"

"So what? Now it belongs to _mine_!"

"Stop bickering!" yelled Kylie. "Look… we can find out about the doll. But in the meantime, Peter, let me tell you my theory about the goblins and the troll."

"Will it take long?" asked Peter, looking anxiously at his watch. "Only Jess wants me to take her home for her birthday party."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

While Oz and Peter (Jessica was mysteriously absent from the kitchen) were pushing cocktail sticks into small sausages, Garrett and Spence were finishing up at the gym by consuming half of what remained in the cafeteria at the end of the day. They were old friends, and it was at times like this that Garrett was happy to have Spence back. Even if any of his newer friends _had_ wanted to go to the gym with him, they probably wouldn't have made it much fun. But then again, Spence wasn't being much fun at the moment.

"We have to go home," Garrett said eventually.

"Yeah," said Spence.

Neither of them moved.

"I have no sympathy for you," said Garrett. "You've got a woman that you love and she's pregnant with your child and that's, that's pretty good, really, isn't it?"

"Yeah," said Spence.

"Go home!"

"Yeah."

Garrett sighed heavily. "You're being ridiculous."

"What if it happens again?"

"Why would it?" said Garrett. "Look… what exactly _did_ happen the last time?"

"Well," said Spence. "I… got scared."

"Yeah, and…?"

"So I kind of… avoided Grace and… stayed out late and… didn't give her the support she needed, so she… stopped loving me and kicked me out of our house."

Garrett gave him a withering look. "Spence…"

"All right, all right, I'll go home," said Spence. "And you'd better go home too."

"What's worse?" Garrett said dryly. "Leaving her alone when she could go into labour at any moment, or leaving her alone with a three year old and an energetic dog and a woman she can't stand who you've insisted be allowed to sleep on your couch?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Garrett got home, however, he found neither the three year old, nor the energetic dog, nor the woman his wife couldn't stand. Rather he found Jo drinking coffee with a heavily pregnant and damp-eyed Stephanie McBride.

"Oh, hi Stephanie," Garrett said awkwardly.

Stephanie sniffed, and said morosely, "Hey."

"Hi, Jo," said Garrett, even more awkwardly.

Jo narrowed her eyes on him, and said maliciously, "Hi."

"Where's, um… Max and Knicks… and, and Stephie?"

"They went for a walk," said Jo.

"What, all three of them?"

"Yes. I made her take them out when Stephanie came over. She was upset."

"Oh," Garrett said sympathetically. "Why?"

"Spence is being useless," said Stephanie.

"I don't suppose he was with _you_, was he?" asked Jo.

"Er, yeah," said Garrett. "Yeah, he was. He's gone home now, Steph."

"Right." Stephanie nodded approvingly. "Good."

"Steph, listen, he's just… he's very nervous about the baby," said Garrett.

"Yeah?" said Stephanie. "Well _I__'__m_ days away from giving birth to my first child! How does he think _I_ feel?"

"Okay," said Garrett, "that's a good point."

"Grace said he was like this when she was pregnant with Nat," said Stephanie.

Garrett tried to hold back a pained expression. "Did she?"

"Yeah, well… I don't suppose he means anything by it."

"Of course he doesn't," Jo said bracingly. "But you know what men are like." At this, she shot a malevolent look at Garrett. "Come on, Steph - I'd better drive you home, as Spence is going to be there. Garrett, wash these mugs out, will you?"

"Sure," said Garrett, as Jo got quickly to her feet and then hovered around waiting for Stephanie to haul herself up.

"And while you're doing that," said Jo, "you can think of a way to get that fucking stupid woman out of my apartment."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"See that?" Jessica pointed through the throng of dancing teenagers, at a skinny long-haired blonde in a miniskirt and a dark-haired boy who were locked in a passionate embrace. "_That__'__s_ what you're supposed to do to your girlfriend at a party."

"One-track mind, hasn't she?" said Charlene Zeddemore, a girl whom Jessica had years ago been forced to make friends with, as they both had Ghostbuster fathers.

"She certainly has," said Oz. "Honestly, Jessica, this is all _fascinating _to watch - I'd rather keep my eyes open. I… think somebody should give that girl something to eat."

"Oh, don't - I think she's bulimic or something," said Jessica. "She goes to extremes to be skinny and then complains about her small boobs - is that dumb or what?"

"Well that's because of media representations of female beauty. Models and pop stars and such have liposuction and silicone implants and make people believe that not only is theirs a perfect body, but also attainable without surgery."

"Yeah," said Jessica, "but she doesn't have to fall for it, though, does she? You don't _have_ to be a complete retard about it just because you're a girl. Charlene isn't."

"Some of us are just naturally exquisite," Charlene said dryly.

"And nor am I."

"Well," said Oz, "not everyone has your intelligence, confidence and utter disdain for most things. Oh, look, she and her friend are coming to wish you a happy birthday."

"I doubt it," said Jessica, as the young couple approached. "Hi Ant, hi Amber. Are you enjoying the party?"

Ant opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to speak Amber said loudly, "It's not the _best_ party I've ever been to, but it's not the worst either. Hi." She turned a dazzling smile onto Oz. "I'm Amber Lightfoot. I go to school with Jessica."

"Charmed," said Oz, offering his hand, which Amber gladly took. "And your friend?"

"Who?" Amber looked blank for a moment. "Oh! Yeah, this is Ant Hill, my boyfriend."

"Laugh if you want to," said Ant. "It stops being funny after a while."

"Oz doesn't laugh," said Jessica.

"O-Ozzzz," Amber said slowly, drawing the name out for as long as possible. "Nice name. So, like, how do you know Venkman?"

"I'm going out with her," said Oz.

"Oh!" Amber would probably have looked less surprised if he'd said that he was Jessica's plastic surgeon. "Why?"

"Because I find her to be scintillating company."

"Ah-ha. Jessica, let's go powder our noses, shall we?"

"What?"

"Come on."

Before she knew what was happening Jessica felt Amber's slender fingers closing around her wrist, and she was being dragged towards the kitchen.

"Okay," said Amber, folding her arms and leaning back against the fridge in a way that seemed to say, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me. "Seriously. How did _you_ manage to snag a hottie like _that_?"

"Honestly?" said Jessica. "I don't know."

"Oh come on. You must have, like, a doll you made with strands of both your hair in it or something."

"A _what_?"

"It's a spell, duh. Don't you ever read Meg Cabot?"

"Once," said Jessica, "and I found it vacuous and uninteresting. I haven't cast any kind of spell on him, Amber. What do you think I am?"

"There's something fishy about you and your boyfriends," said Amber. "That Cameron guy was way out of your league too. What ever happened to him, anyway?"

"He went to Omaha," said Jessica. "And he wasn't that hot."

"He was hotter than _you_."

"Amber, why do you _care_? You're happy with Ant, aren't you? You've been going out with him for like, two and a half years."

Amber shrugged. "Ant's cute. He's _so_ immature, though."

"Well of course he is. He's a boy."

"Whereas _your_ boyfriend is a _man_. Hey… are you…?"

"What?"

"You know." Amber dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, and said, "_Doing it_."

"Oh," said Jessica. "No."

"Good," said Amber. "If you lost your virginity before me, that would be, like, _so_ wrong. So, like… is Oscar not coming tonight?"

"No, Oscar's in San Francisco doing a concert."

"Oh yeah, I read about that. I guess he sent you a pretty cool present, though, huh?"

"He did, as it happens."

"How much money does he have?"

"Amber!"

"What? He must have put away a nice little nest egg by now. _I _read magazines - they all want a piece of him. I wish I had a brother like that - front page news all the time."

"Hardly front page," said Jessica.

"Oh yeah?" said Amber. "Don't you ever read _Seventeen_?"

"Uh… maybe in two years?"

"Oh, shut up - no one who's _actually_ seventeen reads _Seventeen_. But anyway, there was this reader survey last month, and your brother was voted hottest new ass on the music scene. Well… new butt, it was, actually. They're not allowed to print 'ass'."

"His ass is irrelevant," Jessica said icily. "Mood Slime are all about the music."

"Ha, yeah, whatever. Ah, jeez, Venkman." Amber suddenly screwed up her face, and clutched at the side of her head. "What did you put in that punch?"

"I told you when you asked me how many calories it had per cup. Why, what's wrong?"

"I've suddenly got this really annoying headache."

"Yeah," said Jessica, unable to help looking at Amber's pretty little mouth. "Me too."

"Ahh… I think I'm gonna be sick."

No sooner had she said this than Amber ran over to the sink and was violently sick into it. Fortunately, there were no dishes in it.

"Do you need to go home?" asked Jessica, at last beginning to feel somewhat concerned.

"No, no," said Amber. "I need to go to the bathroom. Jesus, my _head_…"

She staggered out of the room, clutching the side of her head and leaving a sizeable portion of vomit in the sink. Jessica went and turned on the tap in a businesslike manner, filled a cup and threw the water around the sink without looking. But eventually she _had_ to look, to get rid of the last few traces of puke, and then finally she made her way back to the party. She started going over to Ant, who was still in conversation with Oz (which was hard to imagine, given their vastly differing degrees of intelligence and maturity) and Charlene, but Dana intercepted her.

"Jess," she said. "What's wrong with Amber?"

"I don't know - she seems really sick," said Jessica. "She just threw up in the sink. I think maybe we ought to call her mom to pick her up."

Dana was about to go and do just that when a piercing scream suddenly sounded from upstairs. Jessica responded to it immediately, followed closely by Peter, Dana and Ant, while Oz and Charlene made their way up the stairs at a more leisurely pace. By the time they reached the gathering on the landing, Jessica was banging on the bathroom door and shouting, "Amber! What the hell is going on in there?"

The only sound that came back to her was a pathetic whimper.

"Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with her?" wailed Ant.

Jessica looked about to start yelling some more, but Charlene put a restraining hand on her arm and said gently, "Amber, are you… _okay_?"

"No!" wailed Amber.

"But you're not, like, being attacked or anything?"

"No."

"So why did you scream?" Jessica asked irritably.

"Because…" snivelled Amber. "Because…"

"Amber, honey," Dana said gently. "You're going to have to let somebody come in and help you. You can't stay in there forever."

"Amber, let _me_ in!" Ant said desperately.

"NO!" she shrieked. "You can't see me like this, Ant!"

"Why not?"

"You'll dump me!"

"No way!" Ant said gallantly.

"Amber," Jessica said tentatively. "Is this genuinely serious? You haven't, like, found a zit or an extra half-inch of fat or something?"

"A _zit_!" Amber laughed maniacally. Then she started sobbing with renewed vigour, and said, "All right… all right, Jessica, _you_ can come in. But you're gonna freak out."

Jessica shot Ant, Charlene, Oz and her parents a what-the-hell kind of look as Amber unlocked the door and pulled it open a small way, giving her confidante about a third of the space she would need to get through. Jessica widened the gap a little, went inside closing the door behind her, and could immediately be heard to cry out, "_Whoa_ my God!"

"What am I gonna _do_?" wailed Amber.

"And to think you were blaming my dad's punch!"

"JESSICA!"

"All right, all right." The door inched open again, and Jessica's face appeared wearing a strained expression. "Dad… I think we're gonna need some Ghostbusters in here."

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**Where the Real Demons Are**

Part 2

Garrett was only too happy to get away from the atmosphere at home, and Winston Zeddemore moved pretty fast when he heard there was trouble at the party his daughter was attending. Eduardo and Roland both made themselves available too, and they took a full quota of equipment with them for Peter.

When they arrived on the Venkmans' street, they saw a lot of bewildered looking teenage boys getting into chauffeured cars, and inside the house Charlene was talking to a gaggle of girls. When she saw her father she said, "Dad, what are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm checking you're okay," said Winston.

"_I__'__m_ okay," Charlene said airily. "Hey, can I stay the night?"

"Um, why?" asked Winston.

"We're, like, having a slumber party?" a pretty raven-haired girl said. She made it sound like a question. "So that Amber doesn't have to go home because, like, something's happened to her and she doesn't want her mom and dad to know or something?"

"Right," said Winston. "What's happened to her?"

"_I _don't know," the girl said scathingly.

"Can I stay, Dad?" asked Charlene.

"Sure, if whatever's been hassling Amber's gone," said Winston.

"Great," said Charlene. "Okay, who else for the slumber party?"

Winston made his way upstairs behind the three younger Ghostbusters, where they found Peter, Dana and Ant all crowded round the bathroom door, and Oz leaning casually on the opposite wall. Dana had her arm around Ant, who was looking slightly green.

"Amber?" called Peter. "Some more Ghostbusters are here. Are you going to let us in?"

"No!" Amber called back.

"Amber." Inside, Jessica's voice was distinctly audible. "They're here to help you."

Amber hissed something at her, and then the two girls in the bathroom proceeded to have a hushed conversation until Jessica came out - making sure to shut the door behind her - and said, "Okay, have you guys seen that episode of _South Park_ where the school nurse has a dead foetus on her head?"

"Er, yeah," said Garrett.

"_I_ haven't," said Roland.

"Ha, yeah, right - I don't suppose you watch _South Park_," said Jessica. "But you get the picture, right? She has a dead foetus on her head? Well… it's that."

"What?" said Peter. "You mean Amber has a dead foetus on her head?"

"Yes."

"How the hell did that happen?" cried Ant.

"Ant, honey, calm down, she'll be okay," Dana said soothingly, squeezing his shoulder.

"Okay," said Jessica. "Here's the _only_ thing I can think. She - "

"Ant." Charlene suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. "Your mom's here."

"I can't leave Amber," said Ant.

"Ant, go home!" Amber yelled from the bathroom. "You can't see me like this!"

"But Amber," said Ant, "I don't _care_ if you've got a dead foetus on your head!"

"Wait - _what_?" said Charlene.

"Come on, Ant, let's go," Dana said gently, and she started steering him downstairs. "Now don't worry - by the time you wake up tomorrow she'll be absolutely fine."

"Char," said Jessica, "who can stay for the emergency slumber party?"

"Most people are getting picked up," said Charlene, "but Dylan and Shelby can stay."

"Ugh - Dylan and Shelby?" moaned Jessica. "But they're almost as bad as Amber!"

"Hey!" yelled Amber.

"Amber, listen," said Winston. "You really are going to have to let at least one of us see your… foetus."

"No _way_!"

"Jess, what's your theory?" asked Roland, just as Dana reappeared.

"Well, it's flawed," said Jessica, "because I know that if Amber had a conjoined twin it would have to be the same sex as her - but the only reason I can think this might have happened to her is that she said she said she wished she had a brother who was in the news all the time."

"Oh," said Garrett, "one of those."

"It can't be a brother, though," said Jessica.

"Well," said Roland, "this is some kind of magic we're dealing with - obviously that's not an _actual_ conjoined twin. Amber… someone needs to take a look at it."

"Oh Jesus, all right, just one of you," said Amber.

"Ooh - me!" Garrett said eagerly.

Roland looked dubious but said, without much enthusiasm, "All right, go on then."

Amber unlocked the bathroom door, and Garrett pushed it wide to go in. Everyone clamoured for a look, but sensibly Amber had hidden behind the door. They heard Garrett exclaiming, "Whoa!", much as Jessica had done, and then waited.

"Well," Garrett's voice came shortly, "it has a penis."

"_Eww_! Oh my _God_!" squealed Amber.

"Well," said Roland, as Garrett re-emerged, "that's newsworthy all right. I _suppose_ it could be possible, if one twin was a hermaphrodite, or both of them were, and their sex organs developed to _look_ different even though they're essentially the same."

"I'm not a hermaphrodite!" sobbed Amber.

"No one's saying you are, honey," Dana said soothingly.

"I think it's more likely," said Oz, speaking for the first time, as two girls who had to be Dylan and Shelby appeared on the scene, "that the being responsible for this doesn't really understand monozygotic twins."

"Is Amber, like, still in the bathroom?" the dark-haired girl from earlier asked scathingly.

"I'm staying in here all night!" Amber said defiantly.

"Amber, come on!" the other girl, a cutesy curly-haired blonde, said imploringly. "We're gonna make a list of all the boys in our class and then give them marks out of ten. And Dylan's got nail varnish!"

Jessica clutched both hands to her forehead. "Oh my God."

"Amber, come on, you don't want to miss all the fun," Dana said reasonably. "Look… what if we wrapped a towel around it or something?"

"I might just get looking for that entity," said Roland, beginning to slink away.

Amber was silent for a moment. Then she said, "I guess that could work."

"Can I come in?" asked Dana.

"Well… okay."

"Jessica," said Shelby, the blond girl. "What are we, like, supposed to wear?"

"Can't you just wear _that_?" asked Jessica.

"What, like, you mean sleep in a halter top?" said Dylan. "Hello?"

Jessica stared blankly at her for a moment. Then she said, "I'll find you something," and walked off along the landing.

"Thank you!" Shelby called after. "It'll be, like, way fun - I promise!"

"It's no longer in the house," said Roland, reappearing just as Amber emerged from the bathroom, wearing a large towel on her head with a very noticeable bump on the left-hand side. "Ah, Amber… I don't suppose you saw what did this to you?"

Amber sniffed, swiped at a tear with her hand and said, "No."

"Well," said Roland, "never mind - we can still follow it."

"Okay," said Jessica, pushing into the gathering and thrusting identical black-and-pink t-shirts at Charlene, Dylan and Shelby. "Mood Slime t-shirts for the three of _you_. Amber, I found you something with buttons so you wouldn't have to take the towel off to get it over your, um… head. Here - this is one of Oscar's."

Again, Amber's eyes started to fill up, but this time they were tears of joy as she took the faded black shirt and said, "Oh… thank you!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"It will have headed for the nearest place where there are a lot of people still awake," said Roland, as the five Ghostbusters all piled out of Peter's front door, "if it's one those demons that takes wishes and turns them into something horrible. _Or_ we could go back to the firehouse and find out if there have been any other reports of this nature."

"Oz!" said Peter, when Oz too came out of the house. "How are you getting home?"

"I'm walking," said Oz.

"You walk _everywhere_."

"Well, it's not difficult - I've been doing it since I was a year old."

Peter's eyes narrowed on Oz's face - not that he could see much of it in the darkness. "Sarcasm doesn't suit you. I want to ask you something."

"Oh yes?"

"What were you doing with that doll, what's her name…?"

"Sindy," said Oz, "as I recall. Wanda gave that to me."

"Why?" asked Eduardo, who suddenly seemed to have cropped up beside Peter.

"She thought I could use it."

"What for?"

"For Jessica," said Oz, "to get closer to her. Wanda told me it used to belong to her. I returned it, of course, as soon as I found out that _your_ daughters would be missing it."

"What the hell did you do with it in the meantime?" Peter asked shrilly.

"It made me curious, I do admit," said Oz. "I may have read the doll a little."

"That's disgusting!"

"Oh, not really. You can't learn much from toys."

"And that's it?" asked Eduardo.

"Well," said Oz, "is there anything else you wish to ask me?"

"Well… no…"

"Then I must be leaving," said Oz. "Goodnight to you."

Peter watched him walk away, open-mouthed, apparently speechless. Eduardo said, "I… there's something not quite right about that."

"Hey, you guys!" called Garrett, from the Ecto-1. "What are you _doing_ over there?"

Eduardo and Peter exchanged rueful looks, and then made their way over to the Ecto-1. Eduardo was the first to make it into the front, with Winston and Roland, meaning that Peter had to get into the back with Garrett.

"Finally," said Garrett. "Hey, Eddie - you be careful with this demon, okay?"

"Right, yeah," Eduardo said heavily.

"You remember what happened that time you wished you could get into Kylie's - "

"That is _not_ what I wished for!"

"No?" Garrett raised his eyebrows, catching Eduardo's eye in the rear view mirror. "So what _did_ you wish for to make you end up stuck inside of her cat?"

Eduardo averted his gaze, muttering, "That's private."

"Oh, okay," Garrett said sardonically. "Just remember not to say 'I wish' to anyone or anything, won't you?"

"Like I would," said Eduardo. "I didn't _actually_ say 'I wish' the last time."

"What? Why not?" Roland, who was driving, jumped in. "It was a demon that granted wishes - I thought you _had_ to say 'I wish'."

"Well you didn't," Eduardo said irritably. "You just had to tell it what you wanted."

"It's not a nice thing to tell a stranger, Eddie, is it?" said Garrett.

"Leave him alone, Garrett," said Roland. "It's not funny anymore. And besides, _you_ need to be careful more than anyone - you have someone in your apartment you want to get rid of."

"Yeah, sure," said Garrett. "_You__'__ll_ be all right, seeing as Grace doesn't have a cat."

Roland was following a dimming PKE trail, and before long they were flagged down by an anxious looking young woman in the first busy street they came to. Roland pulled over, wound down his window and said, "What seems to be the problem?"

"Something really weird is happening in that pizza joint over there," the woman said, in panicked tones. "Things keep _happening_ to people. I was talking to my friend about her boyfriend, and now suddenly she's eight months pregnant!"

"It's keen on foetuses, isn't it?" Garrett said quietly.

"Ma'am… what's your name?" asked Roland.

"Kristy Shaw," the woman said.

"Kristy, by any chance, when you were talking to your friend did she say 'I wish'?"

"Um." Kristy thought for a moment. Then she said, "Yes! Yes she did. She's worried her boyfriend's gonna dump her, and she said she wished she had more to offer him."

"I don't suppose you saw what did it to her?" asked Roland.

Kristy shook her head. "Sorry."

"All right." Roland opened the car door. "We'll take a look."

As the five Ghostbusters made their way towards the pizza joint, Garrett remarked, "That woman's friend and Amber's wishes were very vague, weren't they? I wonder if it still turns the wish into something shitty if you're more specific. Like, if I wished Stephie could get a job in Burger King…"

"Mmm," Peter said grimly, "or I wished Jessica would stop seeing Oz."

"Don't you dare!" Winston said sharply. "_Either_ of you! Do you want Jess to go blind and, um, Stephie to end up in a hamburger?"

"Ooh, yeah, maybe I should rephrase that," said Garrett.

"Right," said Peter. "Maybe if I - "

"No!" snapped Winston.

They expected chaos when they entered the pizza joint, and they found it. Somebody's head had shrunk to the size of a tangerine; somebody had huge purple boils bursting out of their clothes, and one woman was chasing around an excitable chimpanzee that might once have been a person.

"Whoa," said Roland. "I wonder what they all wished for."

Winston went in and started talking to the woman with the chimpanzee. All five Ghostbusters picked someone to interview; Garrett went to two acne-ridden young men who were serving, and came back with the most useful information of anyone.

"Apparently they served a lady who was dressed like somebody out of a _Sinbad_ movie," he said. "She was sitting over there by the window."

"Right," said Roland, looking at the empty window seat. "Well, she's not there now."

"You should have been a cop," said Garrett.

They all crowded around the spot with their PKE meters, and came to the conclusion that a supernatural being had been sitting there all right. Then Garrett added helpfully, "The guy said she had one of those swords."

"What swords?" Eduardo asked disinterestedly.

"You know, one of those eastern ones. A, um… a scimitar."

"Right," said Peter, "well, she sounds paranormal all right - let's get after her."

They followed the entity's trail out onto the street, but then Peter fell behind when his cell phone rang. Looking at the caller display, he saw that it was Jessica calling, and immediately answered it.

"Help!" Jessica said feebly.

"Is it really that bad?"

"We were just playing Truth or Dare - they were asking me the most… _personal_ questions - and now Dylan's crying in the bathroom and she won't come out."

"Why?" asked Peter.

"Well _apparently_ Shelby kissed her boyfriend once at a party or something. It's all completely juvenile."

"Well honey, I don't know what you want me to do."

Jessica sighed. "I guess there's nothing you _can_ do."

"How's Charlene?"

"She's enjoying herself okay - or she was, before Dylan locked herself in the bathroom. She's trying to get her out now."

"I wish I knew what to tell you," said Peter. "But unfortunately I'm not a girl, so I don't know how these things work."

"I guess I could persuade them to play the Orange Game."

"The what?"

"The Orange Game - it's way fun," said Jessica, her tone brightening. "You start by getting somebody to name four boys, four places - like the shower or in church or something - four male body parts and four things you can do with an orange."

"Right, and then what?"

"Ah, well… just think about it. Shelby, can you get a pen and some paper from that middle drawer there? Yeah, so anyway - how are you getting on?"

"We've almost found it," said Peter. "Then it'll just be a matter of trapping it."

"Cool," said Jessica. "Shelby, we can't use that for the Orange Game, it was expensive - there should be like a crummy old notebook in there or something."

"Jess," Peter said hesitantly. "I spoke to Oz just before we left."

Jessica's tone hardened as she said, "Oh yes?"

"You, er… might want to ask him what he was doing with that old Sindy doll."

"Oh I might, might I?"

"Please," Peter said pathetically.

"Yeah, maybe," Jessica said coldly. "I have to go."

She hung up, and Peter thought with a pang that he could guess what she was thinking: _He__'__s just like Mom_. It wasn't easy for him, having his wife and daughter feuding. He sympathised with Dana, because he didn't like Jessica seeing Oz either, but on the other hand he knew what it was to be fifteen and desperate not to be kept a child any longer.

But those were matters for another time. Peter caught sight of his companions entering a fast food establishment, and went to join them. They were all standing around with PKE meters and looking vague. When Roland caught sight of Peter, he said distastefully, "What have _you_ been doing?"

"Jess called," said Peter.

"Yeah?" said Winston. "How's Amber?"

"She didn't say."

"It's in here somewhere," said Roland. "Only we can't see it."

"Okay," said Eduardo, "so let's get looking."

He started a very intense search of the premises, much to the bemusement of the customers and the girl serving behind the counter, but as soon as the other Ghostbusters were absorbed in their own detective work Eduardo sidled up beside Peter and said quietly, "Did you tell her about the doll?"

"I said she might want to ask Oz about it."

"And will she?"

"I'm sure she will, even if she doesn't tell _me _about it. It's no good me just _telling_ her stuff like that - she'd only pretend not to care. But if I can get her wondering and she actually _asks_ him… I don't know, we'll see. Look, why are you so interested, anyway? What are _you_ trying to find out?"

"I've told you, that's _my_ business."

"So then stop asking me questions about Oz all the time," said Peter. "If you've got some kind of beef with him then either tell me or keep it to your- "

"Hey!" Winston's voice cut across them. "Stop bickering!"

"This whole I-know-something-but-it's-too-important-for-the-likes-of-you act is _really_ starting to piss me off," Peter went on, in a low voice. "Put yourself in my shoes. What if one of _your_ girls was hanging out with a psycho and _I _knew something about him that I kept hinting at, but refused to actually _say_?"

"I don't know anything about Oz," hissed Eduardo.

"Well that's obviously not true. Jesus, Eduardo, I wish you'd just - "

He was cut off when Eduardo clamped a gloved hand across his mouth. The two men glared at each other for a few moments, and then suddenly Eduardo's eyes darted towards the fryer behind the counter. He took his hand away from Peter's mouth, and made his way across the room.

"What have you seen?" Roland asked sharply.

"Something moved over here," said Eduardo.

He went and stood by the fryer, looked at the floor surrounding it for a few moments and finally stooped down and picked something up off the ground. The five Ghostbusters pushed their way past confused looking patrons to convene around an empty table, and Eduardo showed them a jewelled ring that was giving off a very strong PKE signal.

"Give that to me," said Winston.

Eduardo gave it to him, and Winston put the ring down on the floor. He then shot a short burst of proton fire at it, and suddenly it exploded into the likeness of a particularly beautiful brown-skinned woman. Dressed in rich jewellery and colourful veils, and with the promised scimitar hanging at her waist, she looked indignantly at the five men surrounding her. Then suddenly she adopted a serene expression and said, "I am the Genie of the Ring. Please, good sir," looking at Peter, "tell me what you wish of me."

"Do you just _overhear_ wishes and grant them?" Garrett asked scathingly.

"It's better that way," the genie said smilingly. "People wish so much more… _truthfully_ when they don't have the opportunity to prepare."

"They don't know what they're wishing _for_," snapped Peter. "You couldn't seriously have thought that my daughter's fr-… er, classmate wanted a dead foetus on her head!"

"Yeah, have you been watching _South Park_?" Garrett asked interestedly.

"I am always watching," said the genie. "I see many things."

"Let's just blast her," said Eduardo.

At this the genie, clearly realising that it wasn't going to be good, suddenly grew to twice her height and her eyes glowed red. She drew her scimitar and slashed violently at Eduardo, who took a step back and just avoided being sliced across the middle. Winston responded quickly with a blast of proton fire at the genie's right hand. She screamed and dropped the scimitar; it was then small trouble for the Ghostbusters to get her into a trap.

Like the goblins and the mountain troll, it wasn't difficult at all. While Eduardo was picking up the trap and Winston retrieving the intact spectral scimitar, Roland went to check on the pizza joint across the street while Peter went over to the girl who was serving and said, "You'll be receiving an invoice during the week."

The girl was too young and timid to argue, just as Peter had thought. Once they'd left, Roland said to him, "We can't charge them - they didn't call us!"

"Yeah," added Garrett. "_You _did."

"_Someone_ has to pay us," said Peter. "No one _actually_ paid us for that mountain troll, if you remember."

"Your daughter called us to that one too, Pete," said Winston.

"Yeah, well, that one'll have to be on the house," said Peter. "I can't take it out of her allowance - she's on the verge of hating me as it is."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie was just climbing into bed when Eduardo arrived home. The first thing she said to him was, "What was it?"

"Genie," he said.

"Oh - tell me."

She seemed more than usually interested in what he had to say, and nodded along in a just-as-I-thought kind of way when he described to her exactly what the genie did. Then when he had finished she said, "It still fits with my human weakness theory."

"How?" asked Eduardo.

"Well," said Kylie, "greed, obviously."

He nodded. "Of course."

"It's interesting that it was a genie," said Kylie. "She looked eastern, did she?"

"Sure, I guess."

"That's interesting, because we've already had goblins and a mountain troll within the past few days. Goblins are from the west, and the mountain troll would have been from the north - they're Scandinavian. So maybe we can expect something from the south."

"The south is nearer than the east," said Eduardo. "Why wouldn't that one come before the genie? I mean, the goblins came first, and then the troll had further to travel…"

"Well, if they're harbingers of doom," said Kylie, "they'll come in a particular order. I guess west, north, east, south makes a neat circle."

"So after whatever comes from the south…?"

"I might be wrong about that, but if I'm not then I think we should tackle this one entity at a time. Still, it can't hurt for me to do some research tomorrow. I shouldn't assume these things are all related, but Egon's so sure there's something coming, and I've just got a really strong hunch these things are connected by the flaws in humanity they represent."

Eduardo snorted. "There's more than four of _those_."

"I know, babe."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Peter would have liked a lie-in on Sunday morning, but it was impossible with five teenage girls stampeding all over the house and fighting over the bathroom. When he emerged from his bedroom, a few minutes after Dana had vacated the bed, he saw Amber coming out of the bathroom wearing a Mood Slime t-shirt, which thankfully reached her knees. She was as knowingly pretty as ever, and running a comb through her long golden tresses as she asked loudly, "Jessica, where's your hair straightener?"

Jessica's head popped out of her bedroom doorway, wearing a blank look, and she said, "Where's my what?"

"Here you go, Amber, you can borrow mine," said Dana, brushing past Peter with a lethal looking implement in her hand. "I'm glad to see you're back to normal."

Dana looked happy to be hosting Jessica's first (and almost certainly last) girly event, but Peter was finding it all very alien. When he passed Jessica's bedroom doorway, he trod on a piece of notebook paper that he found to read: _"__Josh, school cafeteria, penis, peel; Ant, Statue of Liberty, balls, squeeze; Ricky, McDonald__'__s restroom, buttocks, juice__"_; at that point he stopped reading. Dylan came bouncing out the bedroom and swept past him just as the phone started ringing. Peter went downstairs, and answered the phone to Ant.

"How's Amber?" the boy asked anxiously.

"Oh, yeah, she's fine now," said Peter. "We dealt with it."

The expressions of relief were so uninhibited that Peter was quite moved. Ant then requested that he be allowed to talk to Amber; Peter called her down and handed her the phone, and then went to the kitchen, where he found Dana making an awful lot of toast.

Jessica was there too, saying hotly, "That was the worst night of my life."

"Wait until you've spent twenty-three hours in a hospital trying to give birth," said Dana.

"Ha, yeah, right - like _that__'__s_ ever gonna happen. Oh - hi, Dad. What was it?"

"What was what?" asked Peter.

"Duh - last night," said Jessica. "The thing that made me have that slumber party."

"Oh, right," said Peter. "Genie."

"What, really?"

"Yeah - she was kinda like Barbara Eden in that thing."

"_I Dream of Jeannie_," said Dana.

"Right, only she looked less American. Morning, Amber," as Amber walked in. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel great," Amber said brightly. "Thanks for dealing with it, Dr. Venkman."

"Oh, no problem," said Peter.

"And I'm sorry I ruined your birthday party," she said to Jessica.

Jessica blinked. "You are?"

"Of course. I mean, it wasn't the best party, but that's not the point. And thanks for having that slumber party - I know all that stuff's not really your thing."

"Yeah, you're right, it's not," said Jessica.

"But it was kinda fun in the end, wasn't it? I mean, like, you laughed when we played the Orange Game. Where d'you learn that, anyway?"

"My cousin taught it to me a few years ago."

"Which one?" asked Peter. Between them Dana's two brothers had three children, and he was interested in knowing which of them had taught his daughter a game that apparently involved making up erotic tortures for the boys in her class.

"Serena, obviously - it's a girl game," said Jessica. "Dad, are you going to work today?"

"I guess so," said Peter.

"Can I come with you to the firehouse and finish my homework?"

"Sure, if you want to."

Peter had an idea that Jessica didn't want to be on her own in the house with Dana. They had called a truce for the party, and then Amber's ordeal had been a distraction to everyone, but now there was no reason for the hostility not to resume.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

To the untrained eye, the firehouse late on Sunday morning would have provided a rather touching scene. Kylie was kicking back on the couch, absorbed in a book, while her husband and young daughters, Conchita and Rose, played with Barbie dolls on the floor; and Jessica was quietly doing her homework while her father sat nearby, engrossed in conversation with an old friend. Even Slimer, the Ghostbusters' glutinous pet ghoul, added to the hominess of it with his insistence on helping Jessica. It would have been impossible to tell that Eduardo was going crazy wondering about one scruffy brown-haired doll in particular, or that Kylie was reading about a possible end of the world scenario, or that Jessica was silently trying to decide which she hated more: algebra, or her mother. She felt so strongly towards both of them, Slimer didn't even register.

As for Peter, he was pestering Egon by asking what a warlock could learn about a person from a doll that had once belonged to her, and trying not to be overheard as he did so. Egon, who was anxious to examine the scimitar that lay on a nearby table, was insisting with increasing volume, "I don't _know_," until Eduardo heard him and was moved to say, "Why can't you just take 'I don't know' for an answer?"

"Why don't _you_ butt out?" retorted Peter.

"Are you on about that damn doll again?" Jessica asked sharply. "If I want to know about that, I'll ask Oz, okay? Now just drop it!"

"HEY!" yelled Kylie. "Look, we have _got_ to stop this - I've just found something out."

"What's that?" Egon asked wearily.

"My harbingers-from-the-four-corners-of-the-earth theory," said Kylie. "It might be right. I've just found this old Norse prophecy."

"Norse?" said Egon. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's been translated, so it's probably not all that accurate, but this is what it says." She cleared her throat, and began to read: " 'And monsters shall come from the north, the south, the east and west, and they shall show the humans their own Evil, and the humans may die if the monsters are made wrathful. And when the final monster has come, the humans' own Evil shall appear to them in its purest form. And where there is anger, the demon shall be strong. And where there is hatred, the demon shall be strong. And where there is greed, the demon shall be strong. And where there is foolish pride, the demon shall be strong. And where there is selfishness and lovelessness, the demon shall gain great power, and the world will be consumed by the Evil of its human parasites.'"

"Well," said Jessica, "my English teacher would hate that - she busts a gut if anyone starts a sentence with 'And'."

"Jessica, this is serious," said Kylie. "If this is what's happening now, then we can expect one more harbinger, and then the main event!"

"What, the destruction of the entire world?"

"Yes!"

She turned back to her maths book, muttering, "Good."

"Don't say that, Jessica," said Peter.

"I mean it!" Jessica said loudly. "I'm so sick of it!"

"Of what?" Conchita asked anxiously, always sorry to see someone distressed.

"Everything!" said Jessica. "I'm sick of this math homework, and I'm sick of school and everyone there, and I'm sick of home, and I am sick to death of my _fucking _mother…!"

"Don't talk about your mother that way," snapped Peter.

"And _you__'__re_ no better," Jessica said bitterly. "Mom didn't have to let you do it, but it was still _you_ who turned her into a little wifey at home, wasn't it? If I ever end up married to some guy who goes around talking about me as 'we' then I'll - "

"HEY!" yelled Kylie. "This isn't helping! The whole reason these harbingers of doom have been coming here is because of negative emotion. And I'm not just talking to you," she said, when Jessica looked about to give her a piece of her mind. "We _all_ need to just… try and get along!"

As she spoke Jo Miller walked in, headed straight for the genie's scimitar, picked it up and said, "How about this for Stephie, Max - what do you think?"

She mimed stabbing somebody violently through the stomach, much to the amusement of her three-year-old son, who had followed her into the room.

"Can you put that down, please?" said Egon.

"I might just put it up here, where Max can't reach it," said Jo, taking the scimitar over to a high shelf. "You're a bit of a grabber, aren't you, honey?"

"Is this just a social visit, Jo?" asked Peter, who was not in the mood for entertaining - but quite frankly, who was?

"It's an I-can't-stand-another-minute-with-that-woman visit," said Jo.

"Can't Max stand her either?" Kylie asked interestedly. She had never known Max Miller not to like somebody, even if the feeling was not mutual.

"'Course not," said Jo. "Max likes _fun_ people. All Stephie ever does is moan and whine. I had to put up with the sound of her voice all day yesterday and I am _sick_ of it! And so's Max - aren't you, hon?"

"When is she going?" asked Max.

"Tell you what," said Jo. "If she's not gone by tomorrow night, you and I can go and stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a bit, okay?"

"What about Knicks?"

"Knicks can come too."

"Okay!" said Max, beaming.

"Is it really that bad?" asked Kylie, glancing down at the translated Norse prophecy.

Scowling, Jo went to join her on the sofa. "It's a complete nightmare! I don't know how much longer I can put up with her sleeping on my couch and eating my food and abusing my dog and patronising my son and hitting on my husband…"

"Oh, is she still doing that?" Kylie asked sympathetically.

"She keeps taking showers and then wandering around in a towel," said Jo.

Kylie wrinkled her nose. "That old chestnut, huh?"

"And _crying_."

"About what?"

"Everything! 'My dad died!' 'No one will ever want to employ me!' 'Why do we have to watch basketball? I don't understand it.' 'Look, Garrett, I'm allergic to this soap.' Whose goddamn soap is it anyway?"

"What," said Kylie, "she _cries_ about that?"

"And the towel thing is _really_ starting to annoy me, actually, because when she does that it even gets Max on her side."

"She's pretty," Max said simply.

"Oh, what, already?" Jessica jumped in. "_Un_believable. You're not even four!"

"You should have been at our place this morning, Max," said Peter. "It was like Miss World, if the contestants were all fifteen."

"Life must be so much easier if you're just some, some simple-minded Barbie doll whose biggest problem is deciding whether or not to straighten your hair," muttered Jessica. Then suddenly she threw down her pen, got to her feet and said, "I'm going out."

"Where?" Peter asked sharply.

"That's none of your business."

"Jessica!"

"You don't wanna make me stay, Dad - maybe I'm going to confront Oz about that doll."

"Jess, wait, let me give you some money for a cab," said Peter. "I don't want you mugged and raped and murdered and stuff."

Jessica accepted a handful of dollar bills without a word, and then made for the exit. Of everyone present, Eduardo looked most shocked by it all; he would have got _something_ for talking to his father like that, and it wouldn't have been money for a cab.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oz had a phone call that afternoon from Celine Beck, his ex-tenant.

"I've got a problem," she said. "Roland thinks I can tell him something incriminating about you, and I can, and now I kind of want to."

"What can you tell him?" Oz asked interestedly.

"The fact that you gave Wanda and me Eduardo's earring in exchange for the doll."

"Oh, yes, that. Must you, Celine? They'd _all_ know within minutes, and I really don't want to sever my ties with the Ghostbusters."

"I'm sorry," said Celine. "It's just that it's kind of on my conscience now that Roland's asked me - and what if he finds out some other way?"

"What if he does?"

"He'll be very upset with me, and right now I can't think of anything worse than that. I… I think I'm in love with him."

"Really?" said Oz. "I thought you were a lesbian."

"Only sometimes, apparently."

"Oh, okay, fair enough. Celine, why are you talking to _me_ about this? Surely you don't expect me to give you my permission."

"Well," said Celine, "I'm trying to be a better person - otherwise I've got no chance with Roland, or _anyone_, since I had Wanda committed - and asking seemed like the right thing to do. I mean, it's just a girl, right? And you didn't seem that fussed about her before."

"Mmm, I suppose I wasn't," Oz said speculatively. "It's different now, though. She's gotten under my skin somehow - I'm not sure I like it."

"Maybe you're falling in love with her," said Celine.

Oz winced. "Oh, I hope not."

"It might be good for you."

"Hardly."

"So maybe it'd be better if I _did_ tell them about the earring," Celine said brightly. "Then she can dump you and you can go back to being asexual and amoral. Life must be so much easier that way."

"Easier than being bisexual and bi-moral, you mean?"

"Well, _I__'__m_ certainly not finding it easy."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?" said Celine. "Y'know, for someone who claims not to care about people's feelings, you kinda seem to."

"Some of the time, I suppose I do," said Oz. "But then why did I give you that earring? I know, logically, that it was the wrong thing to do - but I don't care about that Eduardo character, so my conscience wasn't pricked."

"Yeah, well, it's sorta pricking mine at the moment."

"I won't beg. But the thing is, Celine, that if you don't tell those people about our deal with the earring, they'll never know. Wouldn't it be better all round to keep it a secret?"

"Don't you have any qualms at all about keeping secrets?"

"No," Oz said coolly. "And I'm rather surprised that _you_ do."

"I know, it's weird. I think it's because I'm in love. It's the same with you - that's why you're feeling sympathy for _me_. She's touched your heart, that jailbait girl of yours."

"Celine, please, I am not in love with the Venkman girl."

"All right, if you say so," said Celine. "So if anyone _did_ happen to find out about the earring thing, you'd know it was because of me, wouldn't you?"

"It might be Wanda," said Oz. "She's locked up, Celine - she's not dead."

"True. So would you, like, _do_ anything to either of us if we told?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I mean, after all the things you said your father did…"

"I'm not my father," said Oz. "It's a shame he's dead, really - he and Wanda would have got on like a house on fire. Oh, there's someone at the door."

"Oh, please - that's the oldest and lamest excuse for wanting to hang up on someone."

"No, really, there is. I think it's Jessica, actually."

"Why?"

"Just a feeling. Celine, please - don't tell anyone about the earring."

"I thought you weren't going to beg," said Celine. "You totally love her, don't you?"

"Goodbye, Celine."

Oz hung up and made his way to the front door, thinking of what he could do if Celine or, somehow, Wanda _did_ let slip that he had sold them Eduardo for an old doll - and with him knowing that the two wannabe witches were planning a horrible revenge. There were things he could do to Jessica's mind, but he had an idea that perhaps he _shouldn__'__t_.

Sure enough, it was Jessica who stood on the doorstep. As soon as Oz opened the door she wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "Kiss me."

"Why?" asked Oz.

"Because you're my boyfriend."

"Would you like to come in?"

"You bet I would."

He showed her in, invited her to sit on the couch and asked, "Would you like anything?"

"I can think of a few things," she said suggestively.

"Jessica, please stop doing that."

"What?"

"That thing with your eyes."

"That's my seducing people eyes," Jessica said sulkily. "Why don't you want me, Oz?"

"Because," said Oz, rather patronisingly, as he went to sit in an armchair near her, "you are too young."

"Then what are you _doing_ with me?"

"I like you."

"Why did you go to all the trouble of finding out about me from some stupid old doll?"

Oz raised his eyebrows, and asked, "Do you really wanna know?"

"Yes!"

"You might not like it."

"Go on."

"There was something about you," said Oz. "I don't like to use the word 'aura' - it's overused nowadays. But there's something very special about you… _magically_ speaking. You attract things of a paranormal nature, don't you, just occasionally?"

"Maybe a couple of times," said Jessica.

"The pet ghost is fond of you."

"He's fond of my dad too."

"Then maybe it's genetic."

"Is that it?" asked Jessica. "I'm some kind of science experiment to you?"

"I'm sorry," said Oz. "I suppose you'd rather my initial attraction to you was of a more… _conventional_ nature. But I didn't know you then - that was all I saw."

She raised her eyebrows. "And now?"

Oz didn't have an answer, but he'd read plenty of trashy and clichéd love stories in his life, and he thought he knew how to improvise. He joined Jessica on the couch and started kissing her. He had never kissed anyone besides this girl, but he found it wasn't difficult. She seemed to take the lead anyway - all he really had to do was follow. As the kiss continued, she pressed her body against his and he felt her heart rate increasing. It was okay when she slipped her hand around his neck, but when her other hand started heading somewhere lower, he felt compelled to stop it.

"Please," he said.

"Why?"

"You could get me into trouble."

"I wouldn't tell anyone," said Jessica. "I know I'm 'too young to consent to any sexual activity', but the only way anyone could know would be if I got pregnant, and we don't need to risk that. To tell you the truth, I don't even feel _ready _for that."

"Oh, don't you?" said Oz, feeling slightly reassured.

"I just want to touch you a little bit - where's the harm?"

"Well, I'm a man. How do you know I won't lose control and let it get too far?"

She raised her eyebrows, and said cynically, "_That__'__s_ what you're afraid of?"

"Why the hurry, _querida_?"

"Oh Jesus, I don't know," said Jessica. "I just, oh fuck it, I get horny, okay? I'm constantly surrounded by people who are having sex - well, not at the time, obviously - and I get really obsessive about it, just wanting to know what it's _like_, and I get so frustrated being stuck at school and at home all the time - it's driving me crazy, I've been such a bitch to everyone lately, and I know I'm doing it but I can't stop it - and it's, it's just _so unfair_ that my brother's left home and he's out there making money and _hundreds_ of people want to sleep with him, but _my_ boyfriend won't even kiss me!"

"Oh, I see," said Oz, who had the feeling that she had only stopped because she was out of breath, rather than out of words. "I think everyone feels like that sometimes."

"Yeah, right," Jessica said more calmly. "I guess what makes _me_ so special is that I don't have the right temperament to handle it. I just get so, so _angry_, and then I take it out on people. I was yelling at my dad earlier. My dad is _so_ great, and I just blew up at him."

"Maybe you should - "

"_Don__'__t_ say read a book."

" - take a walk."

"A walk?" She scoffed. "Yeah, _that__'__ll_ help."

"It's a nice day for it," said Oz. He stood up and held out his hand to her. "Come on, I'll take you to the park."

"I'm not a dog."

"You'll feel better."

Grudgingly, Jessica took his hand and rose to her feet.

"When are you going to tell me about your dad?" she asked.

"What about my dad?"

"Yesterday you were being all mysterious about him. Why _did_ he have magic manacles in the basement, anyway?"

"Well," said Oz, "my father was not the nicest of men."

"Tell me!"

"Not now, my sweet, I'm calming you down."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Monday passed in a haze of anxiety, hostility and sexual frustration. Roland wasn't even allowed into Grace's house on Monday night; her daughter Natalie was there for the first Monday in a long time, as Stephanie - in whose home she would otherwise have been - could go into labour at any moment, and Grace's overprotective older brother Luke was babysitting. Apparently he didn't trust men with his sister ever since Spence had let her down so badly. Roland, meanwhile, found himself confronted with the usual feelings of lust, but now they were simultaneous with uncertainty about his future with her. After he had kissed her goodnight, he went home feeling positively caddish.

Eduardo clearly had things on his mind, and it was at the firehouse on Tuesday afternoon that Kylie finally decided to approach him about it. After all, if there really _was_ a demon on its way to stamp out human weakness, it would be better for everyone if they were communicating well with their loved ones.

Catching him on his own in the kitchen, she wrapped her arms around him in a don't-get-mad kind of way and asked, "Are you still getting worked up about that doll?"

"I'm still thinking about it, yes," said Eduardo.

"You don't have to worry about it anymore," said Kylie. "Oz said it was about Jessica."

"Well I'd rather it wasn't," said Eduardo. He caught Kylie's look of surprise, and before she could ask him to elaborate he went on, "If it was about Wanda's beef with me - even if she wanted to do something to Conchita and Rose - it wouldn't matter now because it's over. But she gave it to Oz, and I'm sure that means he was involved somehow."

"But babe," said Kylie, "why would he? _He_ doesn't have a problem with you."

"But he's interested in Jessica," said Eduardo. "And why would Wanda steal a doll just because of that? Maybe he… I don't know… helped them somehow, in exchange for it."

"I don't know," said Kylie. "Not that I've seen much of what he can do, but I get the impression that he's a very competent magician. If he was helping them, wouldn't all that stuff they did to you have lasted longer?"

"Well, what about the… the _foetus_?" He struggled with the word, and looked sick as it left his mouth. "That worked as well as anyone could hope for."

"You think Oz conjured a zombie foetus into your apartment?"

"It's not impossible."

"No," said Kylie, "it's not. Well, look, what did you tell me Oz said when you confronted him on Saturday night? 'Is there anything else you want to ask me,' wasn't it? Well, you could ask him about that."

"Whoa, hey, no." Quite suddenly, Garrett was in there with them, and panic was etched on his face. "Do not go aggravating Oz yet, _please_ - I am _this_ close to getting my wife and son and dog back."

"Has Oz kidnapped them?" Eduardo asked flippantly.

"Oh, if only it were that simple. Jo took Max and Knicks to her mom and dad's because she can't stand being around Stephie anymore."

"Oh yeah," said Kylie, "she said she was going to do that."

"So presumably she'll bring them back if Stephie moves out," Garrett went on, "and once Steph's working, Oz has said she can rent his spare room. And she is, as of next week. Working, I mean. I _finally_ found her a job."

"Good one," said Kylie. "Where?"

"The gym. All she has to do is prove she can put together a salad and give the right change, and the job's hers."

"_Can_ she put together a salad and give the right change?" asked Kylie.

"Ah, well," said Garrett, "I'm not sure. Eddie, how's Beth with salad?"

"Genius," said Eduardo.

"I don't suppose Stephie and I could borrow her, could we? I've asked my mother-in-law, but she can't do anything in the kitchen that doesn't involve either meat or chocolate, and I daren't ask my mom because… well, you know what mothers are like about women in your house."

"Not really," said Kylie. "Can't you think of any men who can cook?"

"Well… I guess Roland's okay. But Beth's better."

"Yeah, right, Beth's better than all of us. Wait there - I'll call and ask her."

"Thanks, Ky - you're an angel," said Garrett, beaming after Kylie's retreating form. Then he looked at Eduardo and said, "You okay, Eddie? You look like you're gonna be sick."

"I'm not," said Eduardo.

"Not what? Okay, or gonna be sick?"

"There's something I'm wondering if I should tell Peter."

"What, about Jess?"

"Maybe."

"You should," said Garrett. "If one of your - "

"I've heard all that from him," said Eduardo. "And I get it - I wouldn't want anyone keeping secrets about _my_ daughter - but it's… I mean, I don't know if it's really _about_ her, but it _is_ about that stuff with Wanda and Celine, and it's… it's sensitive. _You_ know more than Peter does, but you _don__'__t_ know about the, um… thing."

"What, there's something you didn't tell me?"

"A couple of things."

"What are they?"

"None of your business," said Eduardo. "I don't know. I want to find out more, but if you're not gonna let me ask Oz about it…"

"Eduardo, please," Garrett said pathetically. "Imagine Ky, Chita, Rose and Pagan _all_ gone, and the only way you could get them back would be not pissing off Oz."

"Would it really make a difference to Stephie if _I_ pissed him off?"

"It might."

In a few minutes Kylie returned and said, "Beth says she can impart a few of the secrets of being a domestic goddess and daughter-in-law supreme on Thursday. And Janine told me to tell you we've had a call from a guy who's run away from a demon and is now extremely ill."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Jessica was at school, and the bell had just gone for afternoon classes. She wasn't sorry. Some of her male friends were still pestering her for information gained at the slumber party, all the more persistent after she refused to tell them anything the day before - not so much out of respect for the girls' privacy as a determination not to sink to the level of a load of gossiping morons. She was hoisting her book bag onto her shoulder, ready to go back into school, when her cell phone rang. To her surprise the caller display said it was Cameron, Jessica's ex-boyfriend, who was calling.

"Hey," he said, when she answered. "Turn around."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it," said Cameron. "Please."

Jessica turned round, and saw on the road outside Cameron Doherty, straddling his motorcycle with windswept hair and his helmet tucked under one arm. With his free hand, he was waving at her. It was incredibly tacky, but Jessica found that she didn't care about that. She felt that she had never been so pleased to see anyone in her life. She put away her cell phone, walked towards him and hopped the fence.

"Can we get out of here?" she said, helping herself to the spare helmet.

"Yeah? Since when do you cut classes?"

"Since now."

"I think Charlene's seen you."

"Oh, fuck Charlene," said Jessica, throwing her leg over the motorcycle and grabbing onto Cameron's waist. "Just get me the hell out of here before a teacher sees us."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Roland," said Kylie, "do you have Celine's cell phone number?"

From his expression, it was clear that Roland thought this an odd time to ask. Garrett and Eduardo were making their way to the apartment block where their sick man lived, and Roland was doing his best to follow them.

"Yes," he said. "Why?"

"Let me have it - I need to call her _now_."

"_Right_ now? Are you quite sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"All right," said Roland, and he went to retrieve his phone where the number was stored from the Ecto-1. "Why?"

"Never you mind," said Kylie.

She had a feeling that she'd blurted something out about the foetus when Roland found her about to charge into Oz's house, looking for Eduardo, who had been kidnapped by Celine and Wanda. She'd had to explain what was going on very quickly, and wasn't sure quite what she had said, but even if she _did_ mention a foetus it had probably got lost among everything else that was falling out of her mouth. Roland had not since asked about it, anyway, which meant that he didn't know the full story.

Celine sounded pleased to be getting a call from Roland's cell phone, but her voice darkened considerably when she learnt the true identity of her caller.

"What do _you_ want?" she said.

"I need to ask you a question," said Kylie.

"What makes you think I'll answer it?"

"Celine, come on, you don't have to be like this. It's not _my_ fault your psycho girlfriend had a crush on me."

"Bess got dumped for you as well. _I _don't see what's so irresistible about you."

"Celine, please, I don't want to get into an argument - I'm working."

"_You_ called _me_!"

"I know, I know," Kylie said wearily. "I just need to ask you something real quick. You remember the thing with the foetus?"

"What, that have-a-zombie-torment-your-enemy thing we did?" said Celine. "Yeah, I remember. That was nasty, doing the prep for that one. Look, I know that was a shitty thing to do, but it was such a cool idea - I just really wanted to know if it would _work_. I didn't think it would, honestly, because me and Wanda are a bit crap really."

"So how _did_ you make it work?" asked Kylie. "Did anyone help you?"

"Like who?"

"Like anyone."

"You mean Oz," Celine said perceptively. "I've already had Roland calling and asking me about him. Oz didn't help us with any of our spells, Kylie."

"Right," said Kylie. "Okay. Thanks."

She hung up and made her way into the apartment block, where she was met by Eduardo just outside their new client's door.

"Oh, hey, there you are," he said. "Roland sent me to fetch you - we need your opinion."

"I was calling Celine," said Kylie. "I asked her, and she said not."

"Oh! But… we can't trust what Celine says, can we?"

"Well, why would she bother lying? I mean yeah, she's a bitter evil bitch, but why should she care if we manage to break up Jessica and Oz?"

"Is that what this is about?"

"Well it's not about _you_ anymore - _you__'__re_ safe. _She__'__s_ not."

"Yeah," said Eduardo, "right, okay. Look… we need you to come and take a look at this guy because it's not like anything we've ever dealt with before. He's gotten worse since his wife called us. He's coughing up blood, like, constantly - and she's had to tell us everything he told her because he can't talk to us."

"That doesn't sound good," said Kylie. She walked into the apartment, to the sound of the man whose name she knew to be Abel Green retching violently, and approached his anxious looking young wife. "Hi, Mrs. Green - my name's Kylie Griffin. Can you tell me what happened to your husband?"

Mrs. Green scowled at her. "I've already told this guy and those two in there with Abel. Where were _you_?"

"I was… busy with another case," Kylie said hastily. "Please tell me, or I won't be able to help him."

Mrs. Green took a deep breath and said, with forced patience, "He was going for a run in the park when a big monster jumped out of the lake and dragged him off somewhere. This was six days ago. He was forced to work as a slave - he said it made him pick up trash at the bottom of the lake, he couldn't explain how he was able to breathe while he was doing it - and then last night he managed to escape. He was fine when he got home, but by this morning he was really sick, and now he's worse. You've got to help him!"

"Right," Kylie said slowly, and a little hoarsely. Then she cleared her throat and said, "I'll just go and take a look at your husband, Mrs. Green, and then we'll see what we can do about trapping this monster."

Mrs. Green watched her walk into the bathroom, and then looked anxiously at Eduardo, who gave her a watery smile. Understandably, the woman was hopeful of her husband recovering, but he could tell from Kylie's voice that something was very wrong.

She didn't spend long in the bathroom with the afflicted man. She emerged in less than a minute, with Roland and Garrett, and once they had all the readings and such they wanted they made their way back down to the Ecto-1.

It wasn't until they were all seated in the car that Kylie said shakily, "Oh God!"

"What's up?" asked Garrett.

"He's going to die!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

They went to the street where Cameron and Jessica both lived. Jessica insisted that they go to his place, and wouldn't take off her motorcycle helmet until they were inside.

"I guess he'd probably recognise my clothes and general shape anyway," she said.

"Who?" asked Cameron.

"My dad."

"Is he home?"

"Yep." She put the helmet down on the nearest piece of furniture (some kind of side table), shook out her hair and said, "So how was Omaha?"

"It wasn't the best," said Cameron. "But I learnt how to, like, control my abilities and stuff. She's a really good teacher, my sister."

The sister, whose name Jessica did not know, was actually a half-sister on his father's side, their father being an incubus (currently in the containment unit at the firehouse).

"She can't have been _that_ good," said Jessica. "You've been gone for like six months."

"Yeah, well, honing your superpowers takes a long time."

"So what's she like, anyway, this sister of yours? You never even told me her name."

"Her name's Summer," said Cameron. "She's… kind of intense and serious. Not very summery, really. I didn't have a lot of _fun_ while I was with her."

Jessica grinned at him. "Not like here, then."

"Not at all."

"So did she teach you how to seduce a girl without killing her?"

"In theory," said Cameron. "I haven't tried it yet, though."

"Maybe you should."

She leaned back against the front door, making sure to look seductive, and Cameron's beautiful chocolaty eyes narrowed predatorily on her face.

"Yeah," he said, walking slowly towards her. "Maybe I should."

When he kissed her, Jessica learnt for the first time what a kiss really should be. She'd kissed three guys in her life, but none of them had been able to give a very good example. Her first couple of times had been with a vampire; she was very young and unsure, and he was cold and dead. Then there had been Cameron, and that was always nice, but they were inhibited by the knowledge that his incubus genes made such physical contact dangerous. Then, of course, there was Oz. Jessica had assumed that an eighteen-year-old totally human guy would know how to kiss a girl, but now that she was being kissed by the new and improved Cameron, she realised just how much Oz had no idea.

"Wow, Jess," he said, coming up for air. "Where'd you learn to kiss like that?"

"Um, nowhere, I'm making it up."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So there hasn't been anyone else, then?"

"Well," said Jessica, instinctively tilting her head to one side as he started to kiss her neck. Wow, that was good. "Maybe."

"Who is it? I'll fight him with my awesome cambion powers."

Jessica laughed. That was something else she didn't do with Oz. Actually, now that she thought about it, she wondered why she was seeing him in the first place.

"Whoa, oh my God, what are you doing?" said Cameron, pulling his head back in alarm.

"Seeing how far we can go before you start draining my life energy."

"Jess, come on, you're only fourt- haaah! Sorry - _fif_teen. Which is no better."

"What, not even a little?"

"Jess, really, you're too ya-aaah…"

She wanted to throw her head back and laugh. This was fantastic! How could Oz not want to do this stuff with her?

"You _do_ realise you owe me a Christmas _and_ birthday present?" she said.

Cameron breathed very deeply in, and then out, and said with some difficulty, "Dare I ask how you want me to repay that debt?"

"Well, you could give me a few more of those great noises you're making."

"Jess, you're…"

She stopped what she was doing, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "What?"

"You're making it very ha-aa - um - very difficult for me to say no."

_Good_, she thought, and started kissing him again.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I could be wrong," said Kylie, as Roland was driving the team to Central Park, "but it sounds like a bunyip. If it _is_ a bunyip, then it's our harbinger from the south. They come from Australia - I've never heard of one being all the way up here."

"Does it show up human evil like the others?" Roland asked interestedly.

"Yes. They hate us because of what we've done to the natural world. That's why it's in the lake - they live in bodies of water that have been tainted by humans."

"It sounds like one of those people who like complaining," said Garrett. "Like, they'll sit down and watch a whole horror movie just so they can complain about how violent it is."

"Sort of like Stephie," Eduardo said flippantly.

"_Anyway_," Kylie said pointedly, "this is not good. It means that the main event is what's coming next, but even more urgent than that, it means that Abel Green is going to die. That's why I'm so sure it's a bunyip. They enslave humans, and anybody who escapes from the bunyip gets horribly ill and dies slowly and painfully."

"Ooh, yeah, that sounds like Green," Garrett said, wincing.

"What if we trap the demon?" Roland asked anxiously. "Does he still die?"

"Well," said Kylie, "I'd love to say probably not, but I see no reason to assume that."

"What about that water demon thingy we had years ago?" said Eduardo. "That sucked out people's souls and all their body fluids, but as soon as we trapped it they - "

"Yes, well, that was just silly," Kylie said waspishly. "And I sincerely doubt we'll get that lucky again."

"But," said Roland, "if we trap the demon before he - "

"The process has already started, Roland."

"There must be _something_ we can do!"

"I doubt it," said Kylie. "But I'll radio Egon and ask him."

She reached for the two-way radio, quickly got hold of Egon and put the question to him.

"Oh - ah… hum, yes, well…"

"I take it that's a no," said Kylie.

"I'm thinking about it," said Egon. "It's never been proven that there's _nothing_ to be done after a person escapes from a bunyip - I don't think anybody's ever tried to discover a cure."

"But Egon, _you_ can't discover one - not in the next few hours!"

"I'll have to go and take a look at him, I suppose. I have to _try_ and do something for him, but I don't think…"

"Egon." Roland snatched the radio from Kylie. "That's no attitude to start off with."

"I'll let you know what happens," said Egon, sounding far from hopeful.

Roland replaced the radio, took a deep breath and said, "All right, we're almost there. So the plan is that we lure the demon out of the lake by, by standing next to it - are you sure that'll work, Kylie?"

"The bunyip comes out and kidnaps you if you're standing dangerously close to the water - sort of like a crocodile," said Kylie. "There's no reason for it not to want one of us."

"And then," said Roland, "we trap it."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, listen," said Kylie, "we won't be in any danger of getting this horrible disease and dying slowly and painfully. You have to _escape_ from the bunyip, but once we've trapped it, everybody will be free to go."

"Well," said Garrett, "trapping it is sort of like escaping from it, isn't it?"

"It won't even have time to take us," said Kylie. "We'll trap it as soon as it sets foot out of the water. I'll be the bait, all right?"

"No, let me," said Eduardo.

Kylie looked at him. "Why _should_ I let you?"

"Because I don't want you taking that risk."

"_I _don't want _you_ taking that risk."

"_You_ don't think there _is_ a risk!"

"So what, I'm not supposed to care?"

"Not as much as I do, no, because you're sure I'll be okay."

"Oh, stop bickering - _I__'__ll_ do it," said Roland.

"Too bad I didn't bring Stephie for this," Garrett said quietly.

In the end, Eduardo's argument won. Kylie was ready to go and stand dangerously close to the lake, but Eduardo was panicking about her safety rather severely, so she allowed him to take her place because she wasn't as afraid of what would happen. They then had to wait ten minutes for the bunyip to appear. Eduardo stood teetering on the edge of the lake, surrounded by three armed and ready Ghostbusters, and they got a lot of strange looks from passers-by. At one point Garrett's mother-in-law even showed up with Knicks and her own dog, McEnroe.

"Sarah!" called Garrett, beckoning her over. "I don't suppose Jo's expressed any desire to come home?"

"Not really," Sarah said apologetically. "This morning she was saying how great it is not to have to put up with Stephie anymore."

"What about Max?"

"Max misses you."

Garrett nodded. "Good."

At that point, the bunyip rose up out of the water - much like a crocodile snapping at a wildebeest, actually, as Kylie had said. The difference was that it was about twenty times the size of a middle-sized crocodile, and looked like the lovechild of some kind of fish and a hippopotamus. Both the dogs started barking frantically and Sarah jumped in alarm, as no one had bothered telling her why they were there, and she hadn't asked.

After the goblins, the troll and the genie, the Ghostbusters didn't anticipate any problems trapping this thing, and they didn't encounter any. Garrett, being distracted with Sarah, was a little bit behind the others - but Eduardo got it square in the mouth the moment he saw it, and Roland and Kylie were quick too. Within moments, it was trapped.

Kylie went over to Eduardo and asked, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Now I guess you're gonna tell me I might die a slow painful death after all."

"Well," she said jovially, "you might."

"Did it look like a bunyip?" asked Eduardo.

"Yeah, it did."

"I wonder how Egon's getting on with that guy."

There was no answer to that. The four Ghostbusters made their way back to the Ecto-1, whilst Sarah continued on her walk with the dogs. Then, just as they were about to leave, Garrett spotted someone else he knew.

"Oh look, there's Spence," he said, and started wheeling his way towards him.

Spence was running along the concrete pathway, looking very out of breath, and he might not have spotted his friend if Garrett hadn't called out loudly, "SPENCE!"

Spence skidded to a halt and then bent over double, holding his knees and panting as he sweated profusely from every pore on his body. Finally he was just about able to say a breathless, "Hey."

"How long have you been running?" asked Garrett.

"I don't know. About twenty years."

"Well I hope you're planning on going home soon. The baby was due… about Saturday, wasn't it?"

"Sunday," said Spence.

"You have to get back to her."

Spence didn't say anything.

"Spence, this is getting silly. I don't know _anyone_ who would sympathise with you. A beautiful woman who loves you is about to have your baby, and you're running away!"

"I know," panted Spence. "I… I know."

"Spence, please, it's bad enough that my marriage is going through a rough patch because I helped out a friend. I don't want to see you and Stephanie breaking up because you were an idiot."

"GARRETT!" Roland called.

"You're wanted," said Spence.

"Yeah," said Garrett, turning his chair around. "So are you."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Dad'll be on the phone to an out of work actor or someone," said Jessica, hovering by Cameron's front door. "Why _would_ he be looking out the window?"

"So go," said Cameron.

"What time is it?"

"Um… three twenty-three."

"Yeah, okay - that's what time I normally get in from school. I'll see you."

"Hey," said Cameron, grabbing her hand as she closed it over the doorknob. "Thanks for… that."

"No problem," said Jessica.

He kissed her again - playfully this time, and they laughed stupidly for a few seconds. Then she left, just in time to run into Charlene.

"Have you been with him all afternoon?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Jessica, making her way across the street to her own house.

"What have you been _doing_?"

"That's none of your business."

As she said this, Jessica was certain that she had made Charlene think she'd just lost her virginity, but she didn't retract the answer. So what if Charlene thought that? It _was_ none of her business.

"I told Mr. Miles you went home sick."

"Oh," said Jessica. "Thanks."

"But I'm not going to cover for you again, Jessica - you have _got_ to stop this."

"Have I?" She came to a stop outside her own front door, and rounded angrily on Charlene. "I didn't ask you to cover for me!"

"Well, what would have happened if I didn't?"

"I would have gotten a lecture from my mom and detention from Mr. Miles. I can think of worse things. Look, this has got nothing to do with you. I'll do it again if I want to, and _you_ don't have to be involved!"

"You'll change your mind about _that_," Charlene said acidly. "I know _exactly _what'll happen. You'll get pregnant, and then you'll make _me_ buy your pregnancy test for you because you'll be too embarrassed to do it yourself!"

Of course, just as she said this, the front door opened and Peter was standing there. Jessica raised her eyes to heaven. Why _wouldn__'__t_ he open the door at that moment?

"What's going on?" he asked.

Charlene looked awkwardly down at her feet. Clearly she didn't want to tell tales - she had to be admired for that.

"I cut a couple of classes this afternoon to catch up with Cameron," said Jessica.

"Really?" Peter looked across the street. "Cameron's back?"

"Yes."

"What's this about a pregnancy test? Did you have sex with him?"

She did it again: "That's none of your business."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Dad." She caught his wrist as he walked past her. "I didn't."

Peter looked at her, clearly unsure whether or not to believe her. "Really?"

"Really."

He regarded her for a few more moments, and then suddenly changed his tune altogether. "Maybe you should get back with him."

"Yeah?" said Jessica. "Why? You think I have more to fear from Oz than from him?" That, after what she'd tried to do and managed to do with both of them, was laughable.

"He's younger."

"He's seventeen now."

"Mmm, yeah," said Peter. "It's not eighteen, though, is it? Well, it's up to you, obviously. Charlene, do you want to come in?"

"Weren't you going out?" asked Charlene, following Peter into his house.

"No," he said. "I heard you to talking, so I came out to tell you about what happened today. Egon just called me - a guy died."

"What guy?" Jessica asked disinterestedly.

"A client."

"Clients die all the time."

"Not if we can help it. This one's kind of a problem, because he died after the demon was trapped, and his wife showed him to us when he was obviously extremely sick. She's… not very happy with us."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The letter arrived on Thursday morning. Garrett was happy, because he'd just dropped Stephie with Beth Rivera so she could learn how to cobble together a salad for hungry gym-goers, and he'd even arranged to take her to see Oz's spare room at the weekend. Kylie was re-reading the Norse prophecy and wondering how they were going to stop that demon; Roland and Egon were examining some ectoplasm from the bunyip that the former had managed to salvage, and Peter was being pestered by Slimer.

Then Janine came in waving a piece of paper around, and said furiously, "We're being sued!"

Peter, who seemed most affected by the news, tore across the room and snatched the letter from her hand. "Janine, this is addressed personally to Kylie."

"_What_?" Kylie almost dropped her book. "What do you mean it's addressed to _me_?"

"She seems to think it's your fault the guy died," said Peter, scanning through the letter.

"It's Mrs. Green, I take it," said Kylie. "Well, I don't care - if this prophecy comes true then we're all gonna die soon anyway."

"It says in her letter she wants to sue the company," said Peter. "It says that we're all held responsible… but mostly you. She says you were negligent and you showed up late and then left. She's mentioned you too, Egon - apparently you should have done more."

"I can't see the case going to court," said Egon. "She knows that demons exist, and so do we, but the courts don't seem to recognise that fact."

"Yeah," said Peter, "there's no way we'll be held accountable for his death."

"Can you _hear_ yourselves?" Roland said suddenly. "Her husband died!"

"I know," said Egon. "And that's a terrible thing, but it really is not our fault."

"I can't figure out what to do about this prophecy," said Kylie. "It keeps talking about a demon, but I've got a feeling it's going to be one of those _serious_ ones we can't trap."

"Kylie, please, someone wants to sue us," Peter said irritably. "Can't we worry about your demon if and when it comes?"

"We should try to stop it _before _it comes!" bristled Kylie.

"I guess I should show this to Louis," said Peter, frowning down at the letter. "Maybe it'd even be worth showing it to a _real_ attorney. I mean, she doesn't have a leg to stand on, but neither did this actress of mine who wanted to sue a magazine for printing a picture where you could see a part of her ankle she didn't like, and she won."

"Why is no one taking this seriously?" yelled Kylie. "We've had all the four harbingers! The reason she wants to sue us is because one of them killed her husband!"

Garrett's cell phone interrupted the erratic conversation. Hoping that it wasn't Beth calling to say that Stephie had no future in making and serving salads, he looked at the caller display and saw that it was Stephanie McBride calling. At first glance the name made him a little anxious, even though he knew Stephie had no cell phone. It was so confusing, being friends with a Stephie and a Stephanie - he even wondered sometimes if he could persuade Stephie to let him call her Persephonethius.

"Hey, Steph," he said. "What's up?"

"Hi," said Stephanie, and he noticed at once that she sounded like she was in pain. "Is Spence with you?"

"Um… no."

"Oh God! I'm in labour and his cell phone's switched off and I don't know where he is!"

"Oh Steph, Stephanie, don't start crying," Garrett panicked. "Look, I'll… I'll find him for you, okay? Can you call someone else to wait with you 'til he gets there?"

"Everyone's working," said Stephanie. "No one can get here."

"What, not even your mom?"

"She's in meetings all day! I can't reach her!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," said Garrett. "I'll… try and find someone to stay with you while I find Spence. How about that?"

Stephanie sniffed, and said quietly, "Yes please."

"Okay," said Garrett. "Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"Right, just hang in there and I'll send someone round." He hung up, and announced to the room at large, "Stephanie just went into labour. Who can I send to hold her hand while I find Spence?"

"Spence isn't there?" asked Roland, looking shocked.

"No, Spence isn't there, she lost him."

"Well that's - "

"I know. Look, come on, help out me here. Ky, what about you?"

"Why me?" asked Kylie.

"Well because you're a woman."

"So?"

"So you know what she's going through. So do you, Janine - _you_ could go."

"Garrett, Stephanie doesn't even _know_ them," said Roland. "Look, here's an idea. Why don't _you_ go and support Stephanie, and I'll get Grace and we can find Spence?"

Garrett looked alarmed. "Me?"

"She'll be in labour for hours, Garrett," said Kylie. "The contractions will be mild, she won't have to take anything off, and the baby won't start coming out until long after Spence is there. That, presumably, is why you're not taking her to the hospital yet."

"Oh, yeah, hospital," Garrett said distractedly.

"All right, look," said Kylie. "_I__'__ll_ go with you to Stephanie's place, and then she'll have someone she knows _and_ a woman with her - she'll breeze through it. And Roland can get Grace and they'll look for Spence, like he said. Okay?"

Garrett nodded robotically. "Okay."

"Honestly, what is it about men that makes them turn into idiots when a woman goes into labour?" Kylie got to her feet, just as a huge lightning bolt split the sky outside. Her gaze moved to the window, and she said, "Oh, see - what did I say about that prophecy?"

There was no more lightning, or at least not yet, but the sky was red and there was an ominous wind building up. Roland winced, and said, "That's not going to be easy to drive through."

_To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**Where the Real Demons Are**

Part 3

"Eek!" Amber, who along with the rest of her class was in the middle of a history lesson, practically leapt onto Ant's lap as another lightning bolt lit up the ever reddening sky. "Jessica, what the hell is going on?"

"How the hell should I know?" said Jessica.

"Your dad's a Ghostbuster, isn't he?"

"Yes, Amber, my dad's a Ghostbuster. _I__'__m_ not. Why don't you ask Charlene?"

"I'm not a Ghostbuster either, Jess," said Charlene.

"I _know_ that. I was asking Amber why she said _my_ name and not yours."

"Jessica," said Mrs. Dawson. "I'll thank you to take that tone out of your voice."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "Will you really?"

"Jess, shut up," said Charlene. "That actually looks pretty serious."

"Really?" Dylan asked anxiously. "Are we, like, gonna die and stuff?"

"Probably," said Jessica. "Or maybe even worse - you might break a nail."

"Jessica!" snapped Mrs. Dawson. "What is the _matter_ with you lately?"

"That's none of your business, Mrs. Dawson," said Jessica.

"Yes it is," the teacher grated, "when you are disrupting my class."

"It's not me disrupting your class! It's the evil fucking storm going on out there!"

"JESSICA!"

At this point the intercom receiver in a high corner of the wall clicked on, and the voice of the school principal filled the room: "We seem to have a minor emergency. All staff and students are to proceed to the gym immediately, in an orderly fashion."

The sound of chair legs scraping against the floor drowned out whatever was left of this announcement. As Jessica passed the teacher's desk, Mrs. Dawson glowered at her and said, "I want a word with you when this is all over, Miss Venkman."

"You'll be lucky," Jessica muttered, after Mrs. Dawson was out of earshot. She walked obediently in step with the others for only a few yards; then, as soon as she could, she ducked out of the line of students and into a cupboard. She was grateful that Charlene no longer seemed to be watching her like a hawk. Perhaps she had decided that, once Jessica had started turning her perpetual bad mood onto her, she wasn't worth the trouble.

Jessica switched on her cell phone, and found that there was no signal. She had to wait until the clatter of feet had died down, and then make her way outside to a spot that could not be seen from the gym. In spite of the red sky and increasingly violent lightning, she was able to get a phone signal. She called Cameron.

"Are you getting this weird storm where you are?" she asked.

"Er, yeah," said Cameron.

"Can you come and pick me up from school?"

"_What_?"

"Please."

"Have you been sent home?"

She could have lied if she wanted to, but what was the point? He'd only get mad at her when he found out, and she could persuade him to come without creating that hassle.

"No," she said. "I just have to get out of here."

"I can't keep doing this, Jessica. You should stay in school."

"_You_ dropped out."

"Yeah, and so can you, when you're old enough."

"God, who are you, my mother?" she grated. "We don't _learn_ anything in this stupid place! And anyway, they're all in the gym now, being told not to panic while the teachers run around trying to find out what the hell is going on. Look, if you don't come and give me a lift home I'll just walk out of here by myself."

Cameron sighed audibly. "You're impossible, Jessica, you know that?"

"So are you coming?"

"Yeah, sure."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was all rather complicated. Egon and Peter were supposedly figuring out what to do about the impending demon or apocalypse or whatever it was; Janine was trying to get hold of some other Ghostbusters to help them, while Garrett and Kylie were being driven to Stephanie and Spence's apartment by Roland in his Mustang, and talking on their cell phones to their respective spouses. Eduardo and Jo had both called, at more or less exactly the same moment, to say that their children were being sent home from school and they were on their way to pick them up.

"Is everything, like, under control?" Eduardo asked Kylie.

"Ah… kind of," said Kylie. "Look, don't worry about the… thing. Egon and Peter are dealing with it."

"By themselves?"

"Um… I think Ray and Winston are gonna join them."

"So what are _you_ doing?"

"I'm on my way to support Stephanie - you know, Spence's girlfriend - through her labour. It just started a few minutes ago."

Roland was forced to sit behind the wheel and listen to both Kylie and Garrett explaining the same bizarre situation into their cell phones. He wanted to call Grace to let her know that the two of them were going to have to go looking for Spence, but of course he couldn't because he was driving. It occurred to him that Grace might be responding to a call from Natalie's teacher to take her home, but on the other hand, she might not be. Natalie did not go to the same school as Conchita, Rose and Max, so Roland had no way of knowing what had been decided for her.

They arrived at the apartment, and Stephanie buzzed them in via the intercom. By the time they reached her, she had got onto all fours and was breathing in a slow, deliberate manner. The three Ghostbusters waited politely for her to open her eyes, which she did after about thirty seconds. Then she saw them and said, "Okay, so where's Spence?"

"I'm going to get hold of Grace, and we're going to look for him," said Roland. "We thought you'd like Garrett to wait with you, as he's a friendly face. And this is Kylie. She's had two babies, so she knows what's going on."

"Oh." Stephanie looked relieved to hear this. "The contractions are about five minutes apart. That means the baby's not coming out any time soon, doesn't it?"

"We should be okay for a while," said Kylie. "Stephanie, we can take you to a hospital, but we've only got one car so it'll delay finding Spence."

Stephanie shook her head. "I know the baby's healthy - I don't need a hospital as much as I need Spence. Anyway, we can't travel in that." She nodded towards the window. "I might end up having to give birth on the side of the road - the traffic'll be all held up."

"I'll just call Grace," said Roland. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and went out into the hallway.

"Steph," said Garrett. "I'm sorry Spence has disappeared. I tried to talk him round, but he seems to have gone crazy worrying about this baby."

"He can make his own grovelling apologies later," Stephanie said shortly. "Right now I just want him here so I can squeeze him during contractions."

Kylie walked over to Stephanie, got onto the floor with her and started telling her stories about how hopeless Eduardo had been when she was in labour with Conchita. This seemed to relax Stephanie, to Garrett's immense relief, and Roland returned in under two minutes to confirm that Grace was more than willing to help him find Spence.

"Natalie will be with us," said Roland. "She's been sent home from school because of the, um… storm. She'll be able to help us figure out where he's disappeared to."

"Yeah, she will - Spence thinks like an eight year old," said Stephanie. "Is - "

She stopped, and began grimacing her way through another contraction, which looked to be stronger than the last. Kylie bit her lip, and then said, "Roland - go!"

"Oh, it won't be soon, will it?" Stephanie asked anxiously, once the pain had subsided.

"I don't know," said Kylie. "I… suppose you'd like to know how far you're dilated."

"Oh, don't worry - you don't have to," said Stephanie. "If it comes before Spence gets here, then it comes before Spence gets here. I'll know when to push, right?"

"Yeah, you'll know all right," said Kylie. "What were you going to ask?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah - all that lightning and the red sky and stuff. Is that, like… anything to get excited over?"

"Don't worry about that, Steph, it'll be fine," said Garrett. "Our bosses are dealing with that as we speak."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Now containing Peter, Egon, Winston, and Ray Stantz in the driving seat, the Ecto-1 was following a very strong PKE trail towards the eye of the storm. Egon had the book in which Kylie had found the Norse prophecy on his lap, and was frowning down at the translation, muttering, "It says we're going to find a demon. But this is a translation - how can we trust it? I wish I had the original…"

"If that thing says the demon's made stronger by hate and anger or whatever it was," said Ray, "doesn't that mean it would be weakened if we showed it something… you know… heart warming and nice?"

"Ray, c'mon, that's stupid," said Peter.

"If that _did_ work, we could take it to the newborn baby," said Ray. "You know, when it comes - in eleven hours, or whatever."

"And in the meantime…?" Peter said dryly. "Anyway, even if something like that _would_ weaken the demon - which I doubt - the woman is very unhappy about the guy having gone missing. Even if he _does_ show up, I can't imagine it's gonna be pretty."

"You're being very negative, Peter," said Winston.

"Yeah," said Ray. "I don't think that's gonna help us."

Peter's only answer was a withering look in Ray's direction. Apart from Egon still muttering in the back, they apparently had nothing else to say to each other. Then Winston's cell phone started ringing, and he answered it.

"Hi, Charlene," he said. "What's up? Look, if you're worried about this weird storm… Oh! So, um, what happened exactly…?"

After that, Winston was quiet for some time. He sat chewing his bottom lip, occasionally cutting a glance at Peter and listening intently to whatever his daughter was saying. Her voice was buzzing out of the cell phone for all to hear, but her words weren't clear at all.

Finally Winston said, "Okay, thanks for letting us know," and then hung up. He looked at Peter. "Pete… um… don't freak out, okay?"

"Why?" Peter asked urgently, knowing at once that this had something to do with Jessica. It was obvious, as she and Charlene should both have been finishing their history lesson about then. "What's going on?"

"Jessica's gone missing."

"_What_?"

"Look, don't worry, I'm sure she's fine. Apparently she swore at Mrs. Dawson, and then everyone got sent to the gym and she never got there. She must have just… slipped away and run off."

"Slipped away and run off?" Peter said shrilly. "In _this_?"

The storm was worsening. Thunder was roaring incessantly, fork lightning was cutting the sky every two or three seconds and huge, black clouds were spiralling overhead.

"It doesn't seem to be hurting anyone, this storm," Ray said brightly. "It's probably just an aesthetic thing, for atmosphere."

"We have to find her!" said Peter.

"No," said Egon, "we have to find the demon, or whatever it is."

"How can you sound so calm? She could be anywhere!"

"Exactly. You don't know _where_ to start looking - we could even be heading straight for her, for all you know. And besides, if she's in any danger, it'll be from whatever it is _we__'__re_ looking for. To stop heading for _that_ and go looking for Jessica in the dozens of much safer places she could be hardly seems sensible, Peter."

Peter was silent for a moment. Then he said, "I suppose Charlene tried her cell phone."

"Of course Charlene tried her cell phone," snapped Winston, clearly affronted by this slur on his daughter's common sense.

Peter took out his own cell phone. "_I_ could try it."

"Can't hurt," said Ray.

Peter dialled Jessica's cell phone, waited and then hung up. "It went to voicemail." Then he stared at his phone for a while, and eventually asked, "Should I tell Dana?"

"Ooh." Winston sucked in his breath. "She'd freak out something chronic."

"Yeah," said Peter, "and she'd go looking for her too. Maybe she'd even find her."

"If her child is missing," said Egon, "I should say she has a right to know."

"But she's not exactly _missing_," said Winston. "She's just skipped school. Charlene told me she's done that once this week already."

"That's a good idea - I'll call Alice and Cameron's place," said Peter. "Oh shit, what's their number?"

"We don't know," said Ray. "I agree with Egon, Peter - I think you should call Dana. Now. We're getting close - I think we'll see what we're looking for any minute."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Jessica dismounted Cameron's motorbike, headed for the bay window at the front of his house and peered inside, blocking the light from the glass with her hands.

"Is your mom home?" she asked.

"Doubt it," said Cameron.

"Great. Let's go in."

"Yeah? Then what?"

"You'll see."

She sensed his trepidation as he unlocked the front door, and it irritated her. What the hell was the matter with him? He'd enjoyed what they did on Tuesday afternoon, and for all he knew, she only wanted the same again. She swept past him, headed straight up the stairs and waited for him in his bedroom doorway.

"Um… is this really the right time?" asked Cameron, appearing at the top of the stairs.

"Can you think of a better one?"

"Well, maybe when there isn't some weird paranormal crisis going on?"

"Cam, come on, don't be ridiculous - this is the _perfect _time."

She turned, walked into the room and sat on his bed. He went and sat with her, and she immediately started kissing him passionately. Before he quite knew what was happening, she was straddling his thighs and feeling for the zip of his fly.

"Jess," said Cameron, pulling away from her kiss. "You've gone nuts."

"No I haven't," said Jessica. "The world could be about to end."

"So?"

"_So_ I don't want to die a virgin!"

"Oh. So you wanna to have sex."

"Yes!"

"I don't… you know… have anything."

"Doesn't matter," said Jessica. "We might be about to die anyway. Or if not I can get someone to buy me a morning after pill."

"Who?" Cameron asked incredulously.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter now - I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."

"You're serious about this?"

"Of course."

"All right then."

He sounded suddenly resigned as he said this. Then he pushed her off his thighs, flipped her onto her back and pinned her down with his knees in one fluid motion. They stayed like that for a moment, he looking searchingly into her eyes, and she staring right back at him. Her expression was hard to read. He saw impatience, the edge of challenge that she often had about her and, he thought, fear.

He leaned in and started kissing her. She kissed him back, but with less enthusiasm than she had before. He pushed her t-shirt up to her neck, fumbled for the fastening on her bra and cupped both of her breasts in his hands. She still didn't stop him. They had done all of this only two days before, and more, but they had both known then that it wasn't going too far. This time it was different. He continued squeezing her right breast with his left hand, and with his right he felt for the zip on her jeans. He had an erection, in spite of himself, and he made sure she knew it by grinding himself against her thigh. He felt her tensing. Her fingers curled in his hair, and he thought he felt her thighs clench, but she _still _didn't stop him. He pulled back, panting with effort and unwelcome desire.

"You're not ready," he said.

Jessica's eyes seemed to light up with fury. She sat up as far as she could - which wasn't far, with him still kneeling over her - and said through gritted teeth, "Yes, I am!"

"Why don't you stop me?"

"Because I wanna have sex!"

"YOU DON"T!"

"Are you trying to humiliate me?"

"Of course not!"

"I'm practically naked here!"

He looked at her properly for the first time since they'd entered the bedroom. Her hair was a mess, her jeans were undone, her t-shirt hung round her neck and her breasts were exposed. It wasn't dignified. Cameron climbed off her, stood up and turned away.

"Why bother?" she muttered, beginning to fix her bra.

"You said you wanted me to."

"Not if you weren't gonna finish."

"I can't take your virginity while you're like this," said Cameron. "Look at you. You're angry - and not just with me. You were angry when you called me and asked me to take you out of school. If you _really_ wanna have sex, it's to get back at someone."

"You don't know shit, you pompous ass," said Jessica.

"I know _you_, and your temper, and your stupid pride. Someone's told you not to have sex, haven't they? Your mom or your dad, probably."

"Cameron, for fuck's sake, what are you trying to prove?"

"Do you _really_ think we're all about to die?"

"I don't know, probably not."

"Well," said Cameron, "we might be." He turned to look at her, sure she would have set her clothes to rights by now. "If we _aren__'__t_ about to die, and we have sex, I think you'd regret it. If we _are_… you'd probably regret it more, wherever you end up. Don't you think it'd be better to use this time to make up with whoever you're mad at?"

"The only person I'm mad at," grated Jessica, "is you."

"Yeah, I know, you're furious. Why don't you storm out of here?"

"Stop trying to play me, you fucking prick!"

"Fine," said Cameron. "I'm not having sex with you today, Jessica. I don't want you here. Get out of my house, please."

She got off the bed, went downstairs and slammed the door on the way out. She had never felt so humiliated in her life, and she silently swore revenge, even though she was pretty sure there wasn't anything she could do to him. She tried to take some satisfaction from telling herself that she had at least been proven right about something: men and relationships weren't good for anything.

Jessica crossed the street to her own house, relishing the struggle against the wind - it helped her to work off her frustrations. She fought to shut the front door, and then sat down on the bottom of the stairs, wondering what to do next. She switched her cell phone on, just out of idle curiosity, sure that she must have been missed by now. She had two missed calls from Charlene, one from her father, three from her mother and even one from Oscar. He had probably heard about the supernatural storm in New York, and about her disappearance, and was frantic with worry.

She couldn't help feeling a flutter of satisfaction as she realised this. Let him worry. He was young, gorgeous, talented and making money. The money was the most important thing, as far as Jessica was concerned. He was _free_. Let him have something to worry about for a change. Then, quite suddenly, she felt awful for thinking it. She knew her brother loved her, and what if she _was _about to die? That storm did not seem to be abating at all. Jessica knew that she had treated a lot of people appallingly lately. She still believed they all deserved it, but this was no time to quibble. She was about to call her mother, just to let her know she was safe and well, when a knock came at the door.

She answered it to Oz, who gave her a weak smile and said, "I was just wondering if your father and his friends were on top of this particular supernatural occurrence."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland waited in the Mustang while Grace went and got Natalie out of school. They both appeared within minutes; Natalie got into the back of the car, and Grace got into the front.

"Hi, Nat," said Roland. "Did your mom tell you what's happening?"

"Stephanie's having the baby and Dad's missing," said Natalie. Then she sighed, and added, "Dad's a bit useless, really, isn't he?"

"Just a bit," Grace said tightly. "Stephanie called his parents, I presume."

"I didn't ask," said Roland.

"She would have," said Natalie, "but I'll call them just in case. Can I have your cell phone, Mom?"

Grace passed Natalie her cell phone, and said to Roland, "When I was pregnant with Nat and he kept disappearing, he was usually either at the gym or some bar pretending to be twenty-one. Failing that we can try all of his friends' places, and the park - he goes running there… and then I'm stuck. Natalie might have some more suggestions, though."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Natalie was saying into her mother's cell phone. "The Ghostbusters'll probably deal with it, so don't panic. I'll call you when the baby's born. Bye!"

She hung up, handed the phone back to Grace and said, "He's not there. Let's try the gym. Roland, is someone dealing with this storm thingy?"

"Of course," said Roland. "Don't worry about that - it'll be fine. The gym, is it?"

"Yes," said Grace.

"So, Nat," Roland said chattily, as he began manoeuvring the Mustang though the storm once again. "You're gonna be a big sister. That's pretty exciting, huh?"

"Ooh, don't, touchy subject," hissed Grace.

"It's gonna be great," Roland said bracingly. "I've got _six_ little brothers and sisters, and I wouldn't be without any of them."

"It's not the same," Natalie said irritably. "Your dad had them with your mom, and he _lived_ with you. _My_ dad's gonna love this baby more than me."

"No he's not," said Roland.

"Yes he is," said Natalie. "He's useless. He and Mom split up before I was born, and then they slit up again _after_ I was born, and then he fell asleep when he was supposed to pick me up from tennis and I broke my wrist, and now he's gonna forget I exist!"

"Natalie, don't start that," said Grace.

"He never even wanted me, did he?"

"He loves you, Natalie. We both do."

"But I was an accident, though, wasn't I?"

"Lots of people are made by accident. It doesn't mean they're loved any less."

"I know what's going to happen. Dad and Stephanie are gonna have more babies, and then _you__'__re_ gonna have babies with Roland, and I'll just be in the way!"

"Natalie," said Grace. "You're being ridiculous. Stop it."

Roland concentrated harder on the road than he probably needed to, even in such turbulent conditions. This conversation was making him feel distinctly uncomfortable.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Well, look where we are," Winston said dryly.

Peter scowled. "Why here?"

"Why _not_ here?" said Ray, turning off the Ecto-1's ignition.

"But," said Egon, examining his PKE meter closely, "there _isn__'__t_ anything here - or at least, nothing we haven't seen everywhere else we've been. Where -?"

As if on cue, a black cloud suddenly started to whirl up in front of the car. It was difficult to know what to do besides watch as it gradually took on shape and form, eventually becoming a vicious looking, dark grey cat at least twice the size of each of the residential houses that flanked it.

"Why a cat?" demanded Peter. "Oh, hey, no - that's my house!"

He leapt out of the car as the cat approached his house, bent its front legs and growled at one of the downstairs windows. The storm was becoming yet more violent, and now rain was falling from the sky. The cat, in spite of being born of the storm itself, appeared not to like this. The hairs along its spine stood on end, and its growl deepened.

"Weren't we supposed to find evil in its purest form?" asked Ray who, along with Egon and Winston, had followed Peter out of the car.

"There's no reason why evil in its purest form should _not_ be a cat," said Egon. "Cats are vain, selfish and domineering creatures, after all."

"Anti-social too," said Winston. "They normally hate other cats."

"Why is it looking through my window like that?" said Peter. "C'mon, let's blast it."

They each shot a good, strong proton stream at the cat's hindquarters but, predictably - as Kylie had already anticipated much earlier - it didn't seem to bother the creature too much. It felt it, though, and turned snarling and hissing onto the four Ghostbusters.

"Great, now what?" muttered Winston.

At that moment Peter's front door flew open and Jessica ran out, shouting, "Hey!"

The cat wasn't interested, but Peter certainly was. He ducked out of the beast's line of vision, leaving his friends to be eaten or batted around the street or whatever, and went over to his daughter demanding, "What the hell is going on? I've been trying to call you! Charlene said you ran away from school! Your mother's worried sick!"

"Charlene should learn to mind her own business," said Jessica, just as Oz appeared in the doorway.

"What are _you_ doing here?" said Peter. Then, "Oh, never mind," and he took out his cell phone, dialled and put it to his ear. "Dana, it's me - I've found her. She's at home…"

Oz kept his eyes on Peter for a few moments, and then approached the giant cat. Egon, Ray and Winston were managing to hold it off by shooting proton streams at its mouth, which had come dangerously close to swallowing them moments before. But it was only discouraged, not weakened, and it was getting angrier by the second.

Oz made a gesture with his hands, and the cat turned round, startled. It stared at him for a few moments, and then began advancing towards him.

"What did you do?" Jessica asked curiously.

"I sort of pulled its tail," said Oz. "Jessica, come here."

He held out his hand to her, and Jessica approached him.

"Nice kitty," said Oz, putting his arm around Jessica. "It's okay. Jessica, look happy."

"Why?"

"That's the personification of human evil. If we can show it the antithesis of human evil, it _should_ lose interest in us."

"What? Wait a minute - how do _you_ know _that_?" demanded Ray.

"It's from a Norse prophecy," said Oz. "This is the personification of evil that followers four harbingers from - "

"_We__'__ve_ read that prophecy too," Egon said irritably.

"Then you should know the solution."

"Well… it _was_ only a translation."

"Unreliable things, translations," said Oz.

"Jessica." Peter appeared in front of Oz and Jessica. "Your mom wants to talk to you."

Oz bit his lip and looked anxiously at Jessica, but he didn't say anything. Jessica took Peter's cell phone, carried it a few yards back towards the house and said, "Hi, Mom."

"Jessica, thank God, I've been having kittens!" her mother's voice came back to her. She sounded on the verge of tears. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Jessica. Then she exhaled heavily, and said, "I'm sorry, Mom."

"What for?"

"I've been such a bitch to you lately. I mean, I still don't like you trying to run my life and everything, but I… probably could have handled it better."

"Yes, well - I probably could have handled _you_ better," said Dana. "We'll talk about it later, honey, okay? After this… whatever it is, is all over."

"Oh, look," said Oz quietly, to the four Ghostbusters. "It's shrinking."

"Is it?" said Ray, squinting at the cat.

"Yeah, it is," said Winston. "And it's not attacking us anymore."

"We have to keep it away from conflict," said Egon. "But it's drawn to it, and we can't force it to stay anywhere it doesn't want to be. Look, it's leaving already."

Jessica approached them, holding out the cell phone to Peter. He took it, at the same time saying, "Cameron's back - maybe _he_ could help us."

"Cameron can stay where he is," Jessica said acidly. "He's a fucking useless prick."

"But honey, he might be able to - "

"What? He can blow things up, create light from his hands and knock out or kill women by having sex with them. _How_ is that supposed to help us with that thing?"

"It's coming back!" Ray said incredulously. "And it's getting bigger again!"

"Jessica, for God's sake, get in the car - that thing _obviously_ wants to eat you," said Peter, ushering Jessica away from the cat and towards the Ecto-1.

Ray started up the car once they were all inside - bar Oz, who seemed to want to stay outside the Venkmans' house - and began to drive fairly slowly. The cat was following, but always looking around as though for somewhere better to go.

"Am I trying to lead it somewhere?" asked Ray.

"It won't follow," said Egon. "Jessica seems calm now, and none of us are mad at each other just now, so it won't be interested in us. We have to follow it, and… I don't know - persuade people to sort out their differences, I suppose. Then perhaps it'll weaken."

"Why are you taking _me_?" Jessica asked irritably.

"Because I want to keep an eye on you," said Peter. "If we hadn't shown up before, that cat would have probably eaten you."

"Oz seemed to know how to deal with it."

"I very much doubt he could have kept it at bay for long," said Egon. "Look, it's lost interest already," as the cat turned off down another street. "Better turn the car around, Ray - we have to follow it."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"He's nowhere out there," said Roland, climbing back into his car with Natalie and Grace, struggling against the violent wind. He had been unapologetically driving around the deserted Central Park, occasionally getting out of the car to have a look around for Spence. "And as the gym was closed because of the storm, the bars probably are too…"

"How's Stephanie doing?" asked Grace.

"I'll call Kylie and ask," said Roland, which he promptly did.

"Without feeling her cervix," said Kylie, on answering his call, "which I would really rather not do, I can only guess. But the contractions are getting stronger and closer together pretty fast - I don't think we can afford to hang around."

Roland reiterated this news to Grace, and began to ask her where she thought they should look next, but then suddenly he stopped talking. When he began again he spoke in slow, deliberate tones, as though the thought wasn't quite fully formed as he voiced it.

"I think," he said, "I might have an idea where he might be. It's just a hunch, though - if I'm wrong…"

"Well, let's try it," said Grace. "It's the best use of our time, whatever it is, because _I _don't have any more ideas. What about you, Nat?"

"How should _I_ know?" said Natalie, who until that point had been sulking quietly.

"I don't like that tone, young lady."

"Do I look like I care?"

"NATALIE!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo, Conchita and Rose, meanwhile, had gone to Carl and Beth Rivera's house, and were playing a game involving Barbie dolls and pocket-size plastic puppies on their living room floor. They were doing their best to ignore the storm outside, but as the thunder and lightning began to get more violent, it was becoming increasingly difficult.

"Is Mom still okay?" Conchita said at last.

"I guess I could call her again," said Eduardo.

At this point Beth wandered in with Stephie, and they both sat down on the couch looking frazzled - particularly Beth.

"So," she said wearily, "do you think you can remember all that?"

"I'm not stupid," said Stephie. "I'm sure I've got much more in me than making salads in some stupid old gym, but just because I lived underground for the first twenty-nine years of my life everyone assumes I have no experience and won't employ me."

"Well," said Beth, "it's a start."

Stephie was silent for a moment. Then she looked at the collection of dolls strewn across the floor, and said, "I never had a Barbie doll in my life. I saw commercials for them on TV, and I always wanted one, but the only way we could get toys was if someone up here threw one out and it happened to end up under the city with us."

"That's rough," said Beth.

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Sure. Upstairs, second on the left."

Stephie stood up and made her way towards the stairs. Once she'd heard the bathroom door shut, Beth leaned forward and said in hushed tones, "Does she _ever _stop moaning?"

"I don't think so," said Eduardo.

"You said you were gonna call Mom," said Conchita.

"Oh yeah."

Eduardo began to stand up, but before he was on his feet the room was bathed in darkness, and they heard a high-pitched scream coming from upstairs.

"What on earth is that?" Beth asked calmly, looking out of the window at a large and furry leg very close to the house.

"It's a cat!" said Rose, her usually solemn little face brightening instantly.

With some trepidation, Eduardo got to his feet and made his way upstairs. He got to the bathroom just in time to see a giant paw smashing the window and snaking its way into the room after Stephie. She screamed again, and stumbled into Eduardo's arms.

"What _is_ that?" she cried.

"It's a giant cat," said Eduardo. "Stay there."

"You're not leaving me up here on my own!"

"All right then, come with me."

He went back downstairs, where he passed Conchita dialling a number on the phone in the hallway, and opened the front door a few cautious inches just in time to see the Ecto-1 pulling up. Egon, Ray, Winston and Peter all climbed out of the car and stared helplessly up at the cat, which was still feeling around inside Carl and Beth's bathroom.

"Hi!" Ray called over the noise of the storm, when he saw Eduardo. He seemed delighted by the coincidence, having so far had to stop at the houses of complete strangers.

"Hi!" Eduardo called back. "Are you guys gonna… _do_ something about that?"

"Yeah, yeah, we will," said Peter. "Hey, can you look after Jessica for me?"

"Can I what?"

"Jess, come on, get out of the car," said Peter. "You're gonna stay with Eduardo and Beth and… that woman Eduardo has with him for a while."

"What?" said Jessica. "Dad, why should I -?"

"Do _not_ be difficult, Jessica. Just get out of the car, get in that house and stay there."

"But Dad…!"

"MOVE!"

Jessica decided not to argue any further, more than likely because the cat had seemingly renewed its interest in her. She got out of the car, skulked towards the house and pushed her way past Eduardo and Stephie. She found Conchita talking on the phone, who smiled and waved when she saw Jessica, and said, "And Jessica's just showed up… Well it's a giant cat - it was trying to kill Stephie… Mom, that's a horrible thing to say!"

"Hey," said Jessica, turning round and tapping Eduardo on the shoulder. "Have you guys been fighting?"

"No," said Eduardo.

"Yeah, well, _somebody_ in this house needs to cheer up for the cat to lose interest. We've been following it everywhere, telling people to stop being bitchy to each other so it would lose interest in them, which is all very well but it's not a very _permanent_ solution, is it? Is that Kylie on the phone? She read that prophecy, didn't she, they were talking about it in the car - maybe _she_ has an idea."

Eduardo looked blankly at her for a moment, and then approached Conchita.

"I think Daddy wants to talk to you," she said. "Okay then… I love you too…"

"She's too good to be true, isn't she?" Stephie said dryly.

"She takes some getting used to," said Jessica, "but after that she's not so bad."

"_He_ thinks she's the cat's pyjamas," said Stephie, indicating Eduardo. "I guess dads do, don't they? I had a very close relationship with _my_ father, but then he got sick and died. I had to look after him for years, and while I was doing that the love of my life was up here pursuing a relationship with another woman."

Jessica stared at her for a moment. Then she said, "Okay, you _really_ need to start being more positive, or that cat is going to eat you."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"This is like a church or something," said Natalie.

"It's a synagogue," said Roland.

"Synagogue? You mean like where Jewish people go? Dad's not Jewish."

"No, you're right, he's white Anglo-Saxon Protestant."

"No he's not, he's from a Catholic background but his family don't worship since my great-grandma died. So why would he be _here_?"

"Well, because he…" Roland finished the sentence with a load of mumbling noises, and climbed out of the car at the same time, just so Natalie couldn't ask again.

He had to struggle through the wind and rain yet again (almost wishing he hadn't told Grace to stay with Natalie when she volunteered to do the legwork in the park), and hop the fence into the grounds of the synagogue - and in spite of it all, he wasn't even expecting to find Spence. He was pleased and surprised, therefore, to find him huddled in the doorway looking as though the world was about to end (which, judging by the weather conditions, it might have been).

"Spence, you're insane," said Roland. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"Watching the storm," said Spence.

Roland went to join him in the arched doorway, if only because it provided some shelter from the storm. Spence seemed to be okay in there, physically at least.

"You shouldn't keep running away from your responsibilities, Spence," said Roland.

"I can't help it," said Spence. "It's the guilt - I can't take it anymore!"

"Guilt? For what you did ten and a half years ago, you mean?"

"Yes!"

"So why come back here?"

"I don't know," said Spence.

"Spence, come on," said Roland. "Talk to me."

"Why? _You_ don't want to listen to my problems. Why should you?"

"Because you obviously need help. Tell me."

"Oh Jesus, you're too good."

"Why here, Spence?"

"Why _not _here?" said Spence. "Nothing else was working. I keep thinking about what I did, and then I think about everything that's happened to me since then, and it's all been… wonderful! I mean, my marriage to Grace was _almost_ a total failure, but I got Natalie, and she's so great, Roland, I love her so much. And then I met Stephanie. God, I love her. She makes me so fucking _happy_!"

"Okay," said Roland, "so why are you here, instead of with her?"

"Because I don't deserve her, and I don't deserve our baby. When Steph told me she was pregnant, I had _never_ been so happy. When Grace told me she was pregnant, I freaked out! What does that say about me?"

"It says you were young and you weren't ready when you and Grace had Natalie."

"If she ever found out what I did…"

This, Roland thought, was absolutely insane. Here was Spence, expressing all the bitterness that Roland himself felt towards him; he had done terrible things, and maybe he _didn__'__t_ deserve such great spoils out of life. Roland was guilty of thinking such things about Spence, and yet here he was about to express the very sentiments that Garrett, Grace and even Eduardo used in this man's defence. And, perhaps craziest of all, he had finally started to believe them. Spence was going to miss the birth of his child if they weren't quick, and Roland knew he couldn't let that happen, no matter what he had done.

"You were young," said Roland. "Everyone does stupid things when they're young. It was a really… _really_ shitty thing you did. But you're obviously sorry for it."

"Oh God, _am_ I!" said Spence. "Jesus Christ, Roland, you're amazing - you know that? My friends - I mean, they weren't _really_ my friends, but you know, those guys - and me, we were graffiti-ing this place, and we were giving you all these evil looks just because you were black, and you obviously just wanted to punch us all in the mouth at the very least, and then you saved us from that golem anyway! Why did you _do_ that?"

"Come on, Spence, I can't stand by and watch human lives being sacrificed."

"They wouldn't have done the same for you. I mean, God, they probably would have fed you to the golem themselves - they were _that_ racist. And I probably would have stood by and let them. I was a total jerk back then - I hate myself for it."

"And this is how you're making up for it, is it?" said Roland. "Running away from your pregnant girlfriend right in the middle of a paranormal crisis? You _know_ the baby was due last weekend - what the hell are you playing at?"

"Steph'll be fine," said Spence. "She'll call me if she goes into labour."

Unbelievable. With all the patience he could muster, Roland said, "Spencer, your cell phone is switched off."

"What?" said Spence. "No it isn't."

"Yes it is. Check."

"How can you possibly know?" said Spence, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and squinting at the dead screen. His eyes widened. "Oh shit - so it is!"

"Spence, Stephanie's been in labour for about three or four hours now."

"_What_?"

"You heard."

"Holy shit!" cried Spence, leaping to his feet. "And my cell phone was switched off? Oh God, I'm even more useless than I thought! I don't suppose you could take me to her?"

"That's why I'm here," said Roland. "Come on, the car's this way. Grace and Natalie are there too. And you might want to have a little chat with Natalie on the way, because she's been feeling… _insecure_ about the baby."

"Roland," said Spence, as they were jumping the fence with extreme difficulty, due to the turbulent conditions. "Did you really mean all that stuff you said about me back there?"

"What, the stuff about you being young and stupid and it's over now? Yeah, sure."

"So… you've forgiven me?"

"Yes," Roland said truthfully. "I don't approve of grudges in principle anyway, so I guess I should have said this a long time ago. I forgive you, Spence."

"Okay, well, if _you_ forgive me, I guess that means it's okay for me to forgive myself."

"I wish you would."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The cat had finally left the Riveras' house when they all started playing a nice cooperative game of Snakes and Ladders (even Stephie), and was currently prowling around a rundown apartment block and peering through windows.

"I know various people keep asking this," said Winston, "but how are we going to get rid of it for good?"

"It shrinks when people are nice to each other," said Ray. "Maybe if it shrank down small enough, we could trap it."

"Yeah," said Winston, "but this is New York. We don't have any mood slime, so we can't do the trick with the Statue of Liberty again, and I don't know how we can - oh, it's on the move again!"

The four Ghostbusters all jumped back into the Ecto-1 as the cat began making its way onto the main road. It seemed to latch onto one car in particular, batting others out of its way - few though they were, due to the nasty driving conditions - and stalking this particular car like a smaller cat would a mouse.

"Hey, wait a minute," said Winston. "Isn't that Roland's car?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"You are just completely hopeless, aren't you!" Grace was yelling, frowning at Spence in the rear view mirror. He was on the backseat with Natalie, who was scowling deeply and pointedly looking away from him. "I mean, deliberately running away and hiding would be bad enough, but leaving your cell phone switched off when she could go into labour at any moment… that's just plain careless! And there's _obviously_ some kind of crisis going on! What if we'd all been about to die? Didn't it occur to you that Natalie might want to see her father? Don't you think about her _at all_?"

"I think about her all the time," Spence said helplessly.

"No you don't," said Natalie.

"Natalie, I've told you, I love you more than anything else in the world and even though I will love this baby just as much, I could not possibly love it any more. Okay?"

"Talk to the hand, Dad."

"Is that the same she _broke_ because of you?" said Grace.

"Grace, for God's sake, do you have to keep throwing that back in my face?"

"You were with Stephanie then, weren't you?" said Natalie. "I bet you were making her pregnant while I was breaking my wrist, weren't you?"

Roland bit his lip. That little incident had happened in July of last year - nine months ago. Stephanie was either only just pregnant at the time, or soon to become so.

"Um… well, no, not just then, because we fell asleep," said Spence.

"Fell asleep!" said Grace. "You are just about the most - what the hell is that?"

"It's a giant cat!" Roland said incredulously.

At that point his cell phone, which was sitting on the dashboard, started to ring. As Roland was driving, Grace answered it.

"Oh, Grace, hello," Egon's voice came back to her. "Listen, don't worry about the giant cat, okay? We're keeping an eye on it."

"Oh," said Grace. "Okay - if you're absolutely sure we're safe. I mean, my daughter's in here - I _am_ feeling a little anxious about that thing."

"It'll be fine," said Egon. "Are you… _okay_ in there?"

"Well," said Grace, "Spence is here. We've been having this _huge_ fight."

"Oh, that explains it."

"Had we better stop?"

"Well… no, no, try to keep the cat with you. Just make sure it doesn't catch up with you - it's been trying to eat people."

"What happens when we get to Spence's apartment? We'll have to stop and get out."

"We'll distract it for you while you take him inside. Don't worry, it'll be fine."

Once the conversation had petered out, Grace caught Spence's eye in the rear view mirror and tried to think of more ways to criticise him. But, she soon discovered, it was very difficult to argue on command. The cat wasn't losing interest, though. Grace turned her gaze onto Natalie who, by the look of her, could have been attempting to break the record for the world's biggest sulk.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Okay, that was thirty-two seconds," said Garrett, as Stephanie's face contorted into a grimace, signifying another contraction.

"Thirty-_two_?" said Kylie. "That's a whole second shorter than the last gap! Spence had better get here soon or he'll miss it. Stephanie, how long have you been in labour?"

"Um." Stephanie, now past the contraction, opened her eyes and looked at the wall clock five feet above her head. "About five hours."

"Yeah? My first baby took thirteen."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise."

"It could be another ten hours yet for all we know," said Stephanie. "Maybe I'm only, like, three or four centimetres dilated."

She didn't only sound unperturbed, but even quite hopeful. Clearly, she wanted the baby to give its father plenty of time to arrive before appearing. Kylie was astonished by how well Stephanie was coping with the labour, and it made her feel like she'd handled her own experiences of childbirth very poorly. She had to keep reminding herself that Stephanie was an athlete, and they all had a slight masochistic streak. The pain had been sufficient to make her throw up a couple of times, but she did it uncomplainingly and even thanked Garrett - who was not having a very good time - for clearing up after her.

Then, at long last, Spence came bursting through the door. Grace was with him, but sensibly they had left Natalie outside with Roland. She of course had never given birth, and who were they to spoil the surprise?

Stephanie happened to be panting her way through another contraction when the front door burst open, meaning there was a lot of fire in her voice and her facial expression when she yelled, "Where the hell have _you_ been?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Spence grovelled, going to join her on the floor. "I didn't know my cell phone was switched off."

"God, you are _such_ an idiot!"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you said," said Stephanie, breathing more slowly as the contraction subsided. "I need you to feel my cervix."

Spence blinked. "You need me to what?"

"You heard."

"Why, what'll _that_ tell us?"

"Didn't you pay attention in those antenatal classes? Or when Grace was having Nat?"

"No," said Grace, "he was useless."

Stephanie grabbed onto Spence as yet another contraction hit her. Then, when it was over, she said, "It'll tell us how far I'm dilated! One finger is one centimetre!"

"Ri-ight," Spence said slowly. "And… how many do you need to be?"

"Ten."

"Maybe we'd better leave them to it," said Garrett.

"Oh no, no, wait," said Stephanie, visibly steeling herself for another contraction. "Don't leave me alone with Spence - he has no idea what's going on!"

She just about got the words out before she had to concentrate on the next contraction. For the ninety-odd seconds that she was squeezing Spence's wrists and breathing her way through it, Kylie and Grace had a little argument.

"You'd better stay with her," said Grace.

"What?" said Kylie. "Why me?"

"Because you've had twice as many babies as I have."

"Yeah, but you know her better than I do - I'm sure she'd rather it was you."

"Ky, I think we'd better get out there," said Garrett, who was sitting over by the window, and could see what was happening on the street outside. "There's a giant cat."

"Is Natalie still okay?" asked Grace.

"Yeah, she's fine, she's with Roland," said Garrett. "Whoa - the cat's coming this way."

He moved his chair back just as a huge green eye came close to the window, and he couldn't help being reminded of the start of the famous t-rex scene in _Jurassic Park_.

"I don't care _who__'__s_ watching - I just want to know how far I'm dilated!" Stephanie yelled suddenly, in the middle of a hitherto hushed conversation with Spence.

"All right, _I__'__ll_ stay," Grace said to Kylie. "You two had better go."

Kylie and Garrett made their way out into the hallway and called the elevator. It was an extraordinarily slow one, and while they were waiting Kylie said, "You should have stayed to the end, really, and watched the _really_ gruesome part."

"What?" said Garrett. "Why?"

"It would do you good. You obviously have a very ignorant attitude towards childbirth."

"Hey, as far as I'm concerned, that kind of thing operates on a need to know basis. My son is adopted - I do _not_ need to know."

"I wonder what they'll do with the placenta."

"Kylie!"

"Everyone always forgets the placenta. In books and on TV and stuff, no one ever even mentions it. I hope they know to expect it."

"I'm sure Grace will remember," said Garrett. "Now please stop - I don't want to have to listen to any more of this in the elevator."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Are they okay in there?" asked Natalie, looking anxiously up at the cat as it started batting at Spence and Stephanie's window.

Natalie had moved into the front of the Mustang, where Grace had sat during the journey, and Roland was still in the driving seat. Egon, Ray, Winston and Peter were all standing around the Ecto-1, looking like they knew exactly what they were going to do if the giant cat got out of hand when really, they had no idea.

"Stephanie's probably very upset about your dad turning up so late," said Roland. "She'll be in some pain, which won't help, but I'm sure they'll be fine once the baby's born."

"Yeah, I'll bet they will," Natalie said darkly.

"Nat," Roland said, in his sensible grown-up voice. "Do you _really_ believe Spence is going to love this baby more than you?"

"Yes," said Natalie, not looking at Roland, but watching as Kylie and Garrett emerged from the apartment block.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well it's not true," said Roland.

Natalie snorted. "How do _you_ know? _You_ don't have any kids."

"Yeah, well, neither do you. That's why you have to take his word for it when he tells you how much he loves you. Nat… I know Spence is really irresponsible almost all of the time, but he does his best for you. Have you ever known him to lie to you?"

"Well," said Natalie. "No."

"Do you really think he would promise you that he couldn't possibly love this baby more than you, if he wasn't absolutely sure it was true?"

"But how _can_ he be sure? He won't know until the baby's out of Stephanie, and then he'll love it more because he loves _her_. I know he never really loved Mom that much."

"That doesn't make any difference to how much he loves _you_."

"I don't know why I should take _your_ word for it."

"Yeah, well… I'll be proved right in the end, you'll see."

"The cat's shrinking!" Natalie said suddenly.

"What?" said Roland, watching in amazement as the cat rapidly shrank a whole two storeys smaller, so it had to crane its neck to look into Spence and Stephanie's window. Then it seemed to lose interest, and began prowling towards the Mustang.

"Why's it coming over here?" Natalie asked nervously.

"It's because _you__'__re_ so determined not to cheer up and appreciate how much your dad loves you."

"All right, you don't have to be a jerk about it."

They both watched intently as the four older Ghostbusters (Kylie and Garrett both being without equipment) hit the cat with their proton streams, and for the first time since its appearance - though neither Roland nor Natalie was particularly aware of this - it seemed to be affected by them. It was the smallest anyone had seen it, but when Ray opened a trap for it, it still refused to go in.

"I wish you were feeling happier about all of this, Natalie," said Roland, keeping his eyes on the cat and willing it to become weak enough to be trapped. "Is there anything else I might be able to help you with?"

"Well," said Natalie. "You remember what I said before, about you and my mom? Sometimes I think about how it would be if you got married."

For the first time since it had turned on them, Roland took his eyes away from the cat and focused them on Natalie. "Would that be so bad?"

"I really like you," said Natalie. "I mean, you're kind of uncool, but my dad's _really_ cool and he still messes up all the time and you don't - so I guess that doesn't really matter. Sometimes I think it'd be okay to have you around. But then what if you had a baby?"

"Surely," said Roland, "you don't think your mom would love a new baby more than she loves you."

"No," said Natalie. "But _you_ would, and that's okay - I'm not your daughter - but then you'd start wishing I wasn't there so it was just you, Mom and _your _kid."

"I would not!"

"How do _you_ know? It hasn't happened yet."

"Yeah, well… maybe it never will. I'm not telling you anything definite here, Nat, because I don't know any more than you do - but you really shouldn't start worrying about things until they're at least _close_ to actually happening. Just… chill out, okay?"

"Here come Mom and Dad," Natalie said dully. "Look how happy he is."

Spence didn't even glance at the giant cat struggling in four proton streams as he made his way smilingly over to the car. He pulled open the passenger side door, crouched down next to it and said, "Congratulations, Natalie, you have a little brother."

"Oh," said Natalie. She sounded interested, but was clearly trying not to.

"I really want you to come and meet him."

"Is he, like, covered in blood and stuff?"

"No," said Spence. "We've cleaned him and everything else up."

"All right," said Natalie. "You're the one who's always telling me it's important to check out the competition, so I guess I should see him."

"It isn't a contest, Nat," said Spence, as Natalie climbed out of the car. "I've told you."

As Roland listened to all of this, he felt himself strangely touched. After having hated Spence for what he did all those years ago he was suddenly very happy for him. Life had granted him a second - well - third chance, at the very least, and this time it felt safe to assume that he wasn't going to blow it.

But that cat still wasn't going into the trap, in spite of its much smaller size. It was bigger than a large domestic cat, but not _much_ bigger.

The car door was still open. Grace came and sat in the recently vacated passenger seat, and said animatedly, "Not that I didn't used to like Stephanie or anything, but I have a whole new respect for her now. He is _huge_! _And _they're calling him Shane."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," said Roland.

"Well," said Grace. "_Shane_. He's all set to turn into a complete thug. He came out with his fists balled and this huge scowl on his face."

"I'll bet he's cute, though."

"Yeah, he's cute all right." She paused. "I know what you're thinking."

"No you don't."

"I think," Grace said slowly, "you might be wondering whether watching all of that has made me want to have more babies."

"Well," said Roland. "Close. I was actually wondering if it had put you off for good."

Grace laughed. "Yeah, well, I saw her sweating and straining to push out a ten-pound baby, which I _know_ isn't any fun, and then I saw how happy they were after she finally did it. I guess the two kind of cancelled each other out and I'm back where I started."

"I must have made you feel pressured," said Roland. "I'm sorry - I don't want you to feel that way. I love you, and I'm happy just to wait and see what happens. Really."

"If that's true," said Grace, "I'm relieved to hear it."

"Of course it's true."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"All right, I'll believe you."

It was when they kissed that the cat finally shrank to the size of a typical household pet, and quite suddenly it was sucked into the trap. Garrett, Kylie, Egon, Peter, Winston and Ray all just stared at the smoking trap for a few moments, unable to believe that - after _all_ that - it was over quite so easily.

"I _said_ we should bring it to see the baby," Ray said at last.

"I think it was a couple of things besides the baby coming," said Kylie. "Natalie looked pretty upset about something, and then Spence came and talked to her, and Grace and Roland may have been having some kind of problem before they started doing _that_…" She nodded towards the car. "I think I'll call Beth to let everyone know it's all over."

"Yeah, do - Jess is there too now," said Peter.

"Is Stephie there?" asked Garrett.

"What, that woman who was hanging around? She was there when we left."

"Good," Garrett nodded approvingly. "Ky, find out how the salad lesson went - I want to be able to tell Oz she'll definitely have an income as of next week."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Cameron caught Jessica leaving her house on Friday morning, and offered her a lift to school. She accepted wordlessly, unhooking the spare helmet from the back of his motorcycle and climbing on board.

"I'm not coming to pick you up again before three," said Cameron, once they'd arrived at the school, and Jessica was dismounting.

"I'm sure I'll survive," she said. "I've been feeling a lot better since yesterday."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry about what happened."

"Which part?" Jessica said dryly. "You mean the part where you ripped my clothes off and then decided to stop halfway through?"

"We weren't halfway through," said Cameron. "If we were, I probably wouldn't have been able to stop. I mean, I would have if you'd asked me to… somehow… but I got the feeling that wasn't going to happen."

"I don't get why you did it," said Jessica. "I mean, why go as far as taking off my bra? Why not just say no in the first place?"

"Because it wouldn't have worked. Jessica, you are a _nightmare_ to argue with. If we had sex, it had to be your idea. If we _didn__'__t_ have sex, that had to be your idea too. If I'd tried to refuse, you just wouldn't have let me."

"Jeez, why does everyone think I go around trying to be difficult?"

"You mean you don't?"

Jessica scowled at him.

"I wanted to," he said. "Really. But you clearly weren't ready. I thought you would have stopped me before then."

"Hey. I don't wimp out of anything."

"Yeah, well… maybe you should occasionally."

"Look," said Jessica. "If you want to impart some moral message and teach me something about myself, you'd better just get on with it, because I have to go to school."

"Actually," said Cameron, "what I really wanted to say was that when you really _do_ feel ready to have sex, and not just because you're mad at someone, I'd love to help you out."

"Oh, well… I may hold you to that. I _really_ liked what we did on Tuesday afternoon."

"Oh, me too - that was way hot."

"But if you wanna do that again any time soon, I think you'd better find somebody else. I'm gonna give boys a miss for a little while."

"Yeah?" said Cameron. "How come?"

"Because they're nothing but trouble," said Jessica. "All the problems between me and my mom were about a guy. She thinks I'm gonna get myself pregnant or something."

"Well you probably will, if you keep asking guys to screw you without using a condom."

"Hey, not funny."

"Hey, not meant to be. So… how about one last kiss?"

"We had one of those when you went to Omaha."

"Yeah," said Cameron, "but it hardly counts _now_ - I've had my hands in your bra twice since then. Come on, Jess - please? Amber's watching."

"Oh," said Jessica. "Well, in that case…"

She kissed him, then turned and strolled into the schoolyard like she owned the place. Sure enough, Amber was watching her, and so were Dylan and Shelby.

"Hey," said Amber. "Are you, like, back with Cameron?"

"Nah," said Jessica. "Cam's cute and everything, but he's a little young for me."

She walked on, but didn't get far, because suddenly Charlene was there demanding, "Are you _really_ not back with Cameron? You just kissed him."

"That was just 'one last kiss'. We're not together. I'm giving boys a miss for a while."

"That," said Charlene, "is the best news I've heard in a long time. If it's true…"

"Of course it is!" Jessica said indignantly. "What do you think I am - some kind of slut?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Saturday came and found Peter sitting around in the firehouse kitchen, idly deleting text messages on his cell phone. He had been doing this for an extraordinarily long time - and had probably lost a few items of importance - when a heavy hardback book suddenly fell onto the table in front of him. He looked up, and saw Egon standing over him.

"What's this?" Peter asked dully.

"It's a book on psychometry."

"Psy-what-etry?"

"It'll help you to understand what Oz did with that doll," Egon said patiently. "I meant what I said, Peter - I really can't help you - but this book might be able to."

"Then why didn't you give it to me when I asked?" said Peter, putting down his cell phone and beginning to thumb through the yellowed pages.

"It's been on the shelf out there for about twenty years - there was nothing to stop you from picking it up yourself," said Egon. "I would have directed you to it, of course, if I hadn't been preoccupied with more important things - and don't start, Peter. The fate of the world _is_ my responsibility; your children are not."

"This is really wordy," said Peter. "Can't you sum it up in a few short sentences?"

"Peter, please, it's no good asking me anything. Listen." Egon sat down opposite him. "Even _without_ the knowledge you can gain from that book, you still know more than I do, because she's _your_ daughter. How much Oz was able to learn about her from the doll depends on a number of factors. It depends on how long Jessica owned it for, and how long ago she gave it away. It depends on how much she used to play with it, and it depends on how emotionally attached she was to it and the person who gave it to her."

"Really?" said Peter, brightening a little. "Well in that case he probably didn't learn anything. Jess always hated dolls. She never played with them, she gave them away to Ky and Eddie's kids as soon as she could and _that _one was a gift from Mrs. Andre."

"Kate Wallance?" asked Egon. "I met her at that New Year's Eve party - she seemed a very nice woman indeed."

"She _is_ a very nice woman indeed, but try telling Jessica that. Believe me, the only Wallance she has any emotional connection to is Oscar. Mind you… she _did_ play with it a little bit. She used to torture it. That's how it got into such a terrible state."

"Hmmm, well, it sounds like Oz would have learnt more about Conchita and Rose than about Jessica - although it depends partly on him, too. It couldn't have been easy with something of such emotional insignificance, but a powerful enough warlock could get information out of a, a _postage stamp _if he really wanted to."

"Yeah, well, I have no idea how powerful Oz is."

"Neither do I, but I very much doubt he's as powerful as all that. He's very young, remember - yes I _know_ he's too old to be romantically involved with a fifteen year old, but he's still very young for magic."

"Did you pick up that Cameron's back?" Peter asked suddenly. "Jess _was_ a little funny about him on Thursday, but yesterday he gave her a ride to school, so I guess she's over whatever it was. I'm quietly confident now that she'll dump Oz for him."

"Oh. Then will the business with the doll really matter?" asked Egon.

"Of course it will," said Peter. "You might as well say it stopped mattering when he gave the doll back to Conchita, but he still violated my daughter's privacy. The guy's obviously a creep, and if he's up to something, I'm going to find out what it is."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It so happened that at that particular moment, Oz was showing his new tenant around his house in a very pleasant and not particularly suspicious manner.

"…And this is where you'll be sleeping," he said.

"How old is that wallpaper?" Stephie asked distastefully.

"Oh… ancient. I've never had this room redecorated. My last tenants didn't mind at all."

"But you've changed the sheets and everything, right?"

"Oh yes, certainly. If the sheets had been there as long as the wallpaper, that wouldn't be very good at all. I was conceived _and_ born in that bed, you know. Don't worry, it's still good as new. Now then - we've settled on eight hundred dollars a month, haven't we?"

"Well," said Stephie, "I suppose that's not too much to ask for a place like this. I mean, the neighbourhood's pretty crappy, and there's this _atmosphere_…"

"Always looking on the bright side, aren't you?" Oz said expressionlessly. "Stephie, I must ask - is it really worse than living underground?"

"There's nothing wrong with living underground," snapped Stephie. "I was very happy down there. Sub-dwellers aren't really so different from the people who live up here, you know - we're not savages."

"I don't know very much about mole - er - sub-dwellers," said Oz. "I quite admit my ignorance. My last tenants were lesbians, and one of them was black. She, in particular, had encountered a lot of prejudice during her life. She still does, I expect. I think her anger at this is quite justified. It isn't so hard to find a black person or a lesbian or a black lesbian in this world, and get to know her and overcome one's prejudices. Sub-dwellers, on the other hand, by their very nature can't be found in the course of our everyday lives. Perhaps you should be more tolerant of people's ignorance, Stephie."

"Lesbians?" said Stephie, looking uneasily at the double bed.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Er, yeah. You're a wizard or something, right?"

"Warlock. Why?"

"That must be _so_ cool. Is it true you can't make people fall in love with you by magic?"

"Yes, that's true," said Oz. "You can make people become infatuated with you, of course - make them _think_ they're in love with you. But you can never really and truly make a person fall in love. It's all explained in _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_, if you skip over all the teen soap opera and just concentrate on the good parts. That's one of the aspects of magic Ms. Rowling gets almost right. Would you like to borrow a copy?"

"No thank you," said Stephie. "I don't like the _Harry Potter_ series."

"Is there anything you _do_ like?"

"Yes. Garrett."

Though Oz didn't know it, Garrett was currently frolicking in the park with his son and his dog, trying to wear them out because he was on a promise that he wanted to fulfil undisturbed when the night came around. Robert and Sarah Kendall were sorry not to have their only grandchild under their feet anymore, but happy that their only daughter's marriage seemed to be back on track.

"Oh, I see," said Oz. "He's the one you want to fall in love with you, is he?"

Stephie sniffed, and nodded morosely.

"Interesting. I wonder if I'll ever rent this room to somebody who _isn__'__t_ in love with a Ghostbuster. I'd try to forget about him if I were you, Stephie. From what I've seen, love causes nothing but problems."

"Have _you_ ever been in love?" asked Stephie.

"Ah, well…"

"I don't think you have. You obviously don't understand what I'm going through. It's like a lead weight on your heart, _all_ the time. You can't eat, you can't sleep…"

"Yes, I've read something like that," said Oz. "In a great many novels, as I recall." As he spoke, the doorbell sounded. Trying not to look relieved, he said, "Do excuse me."

He went downstairs, opened the door and felt very strange indeed when he saw Jessica standing on his front step. He was happier to see her than he would have expected.

"Jessica, hello, come in," he said. "I've just been settling in my new tenant. Can I talk to you about what happened on Thursday?"

"Um, sure," said Jessica, following him through to the living room.

"Sit down. Let me ask you something. That demon came because of all the negativity human beings create every day, did it not? It came to show us where the _real_ demons are, and punish us. Have your Ghostbuster friends considered why it decided to appear at this particular time, when there has been hostility in this world for centuries? Something, surely, must have tipped the balance."

"Well of _course_ they've considered that," Jessica said disdainfully.

"And…?"

"And they don't know. How can they? You'd have to know what everyone in the whole city - or maybe even the whole world - was saying and doing."

"Oh, I'm not so sure," Oz smiled enigmatically. "You've been feeling very negative yourself lately, my dear, haven't you? Angry, frustrated, impatient…"

"What," Jessica said sceptically, "you think _I _brought it here?"

"I think perhaps you encouraged it to appear at this particular time, yes."

"That's ridiculous."

"Why?"

"Because… why _me_?"

"Because the difference between it not coming and coming can only be one person," said Oz. "Because I think we'd be hard pushed to find anyone, even in a big city like New York - _even_ with that Stephie person brooding away upstairs - who's been feeling _quite_ as bad as you have recently. Because the monster materialised in your street, when you happened to be at home. And because, Jessica, you attract the paranormal."

"Oh I do not," snapped Jessica.

"You told me you did."

"Yeah, well… I only said that to shut you up."

"You are fascinating, Jessica Venkman," said Oz, his voice suddenly taking on a tone he did not recognise.

"Oz, are you interested in my paranormal magnetism for a reason?" asked Jessica. "Are you, like, planning on using me to summon demons and stuff?"

"Demons?" said Oz. "Darling, what would I want with demons?"

"Don't call me that," said Jessica. "Oz, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Inside him, something clenched, but Oz remained outwardly calm as he said, "Why is that? Is it because I refuse to touch you sexually?"

"Uh, no," said Jessica. "Well, it's not _just_ that. Oz… you're really hot. I think you know that. And I do enjoy discussing literature with you. You have a very competitive edge if we get into a debate - I like that. Most people just let me win every argument. But that's really all that ever attracted me to you. I mean, you and I… we never have any _fun_."

Oz frowned. "That's ridiculous. We have a great deal of fun."

"No," said Jessica, "we don't. I don't think I've _ever_ heard you laugh, Oz."

"Well, what is there to laugh at?"

"Everything! Me and my last boyfriend… we once gave ourselves hiccups laughing about a bag of potato chips."

"Why? What's funny about a bag of potato chips?"

"Nothing. And I'm sorry, Oz, but I can't be going out with a guy who can't grasp the concept of laughing at things that aren't funny. And… look, what do you see in _me_, anyway? I mean I'm younger than you, I've got a really childish sense of humour, I'm not even pretty… Is it _just_ the, the thing?"

"No," said Oz. "You like books."

"That's it? I like books?"

"Do you know how many fifteen year olds don't read?"

"Oz, this is all wrong," said Jessica. "We don't laugh together. You're an eighteen-year-old guy and I'm a fifteen-year-old girl, and I want to go to third base and you don't. You like me because I read. It's just not right."

Oz wanted to argue further, but he also wanted to preserve his dignity, so instead he told her that he understood and showed her to the door. When he turned round, he saw Stephie descending the stairs, but he seemed unable to talk to her or even move.

"What's up with you?" she asked.

"Stephie," he said. "I never would have believed it, but I think I understand what you're going through by being in love with a man who doesn't love you back."

"What do you mean?"

"I've just been - what's the expression? - _dumped_."

"Oh," said Stephie. "Bad luck."

"Yes, it certainly was. Now what can I do about it?"

"Well, nothing. Like what you told me just now."

"Oh yes," said Oz. "Nothing. Of course. My father was a sadistic maniac, you know."

"Was he? _My _father was a wonderful man. He spent many of his last years in terrible pain. I left the love of my life waiting for me in order to nurse my father through his dotage, and when I came back I found that he'd married some big-breasted fellow sports enthusiast and adopted a mentally unstable little boy with her."

"That must have hurt. Laugh together, do they?"

"Constantly," said Stephie.

"Come through to the kitchen, Stephie," said Oz. "I'll make us some tea."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland was also in the firehouse, sitting on the couch and looking over a letter that had arrived that morning, from a very good lawyer whom Peter had hired only the day before. Apparently the guy didn't believe that Mrs. Green's case against the Ghostbusters would go to court, but she and her equally good lawyer weren't going to give up on it. They weren't out of the woods yet, he said, but frankly the woods were so safe and navigable that it would be silly to start panicking.

Roland's cell phone rang. The caller display said that it was Celine calling. With some trepidation, Roland answered.

"You were right," she said. "I've got something to tell you."

Roland sat forward abruptly, demanding, "What?"

"Come to New Jersey."

He fell back against the couch cushions. "Celine…"

"Roland, please. I've explained this to you: I have a loyalty to Oz. I like the guy, I really do, and it's not all black and white. There are things you have to understand about him before I tell you _anything_, and I don't believe I can make you understand over the phone. We have to meet face to face. _Please_."

"Celine," said Roland. "If I come and see you, will you promise not to…"

"Try anything?"

"Well… yeah."

"You know how I feel about you," said Celine. "If you want anything to happen, you'll initiate it. I promise I won't try anything."

"Well…"

Roland glanced towards the kitchen, where Egon and Peter were still engaged in intense conversation, and Roland was sure he knew what it was about. He had no daughters of his own, but he had sisters whom he loved, and he was growing extremely fond of Natalie.

"All right," he said. "When?"

"Is tomorrow too short notice?"

"Um…" It was, but whatever it was Celine wanted to tell him, they had to know. The Venkmans, in particular, _had_ to know. "Can I call you back in a minute?"

"Yeah, sure."

Roland got to his feet, went through to the kitchen and coughed politely. Egon and Peter both looked up expectantly.

"Celine just called," said Roland. "Oz's ex-tenant? She has something she wants to say."

Peter's whole body was suddenly on edge. "About Oz?"

"Yes."

"Then why the hell didn't she tell you over the phone?"

"She wants me to go and see her," said Roland. "Tomorrow. Would that be okay?"

"_Okay_?" said Peter. "Jesus Christ, Roland, I'll pay you time and a half for it. And I'm coming with you."

Celine wouldn't like that, but there was no point in trying to talk him out of it, and if she didn't know Peter was going to be there until she actually saw him there wouldn't be an argument until it was too late. Roland stepped out of the kitchen, pushed a few buttons on his cell phone and called Celine back.

"All right," he said. "I've okayed it with my bosses. Tell me where and when."

Celine proceeded to give him very specific instructions on where to meet her, and Roland wrote them down robotically. His hand seemed to know what she was saying, but his mind wasn't taking in a word. He was wondering how Celine would react to seeing Peter there, and how _he _would react to whatever she had to say. Maybe she'd even refuse to say it in front of him, and Roland would have to send him away and then pass it on. Or maybe - just maybe - it was all an elaborate plan to seduce him. In that case, Roland thought, she _definitely_ wouldn't be happy to see Peter. And would it really be a waste of _his_ time? Grace wasn't sure whether she wanted to have more children. Was Celine…?

He cut that thought off before it could get any further. He simply could not allow himself to think that. Grace was totally right for him, and so was Natalie. Celine wasn't. She passionately hated two of his best friends, she was a known revenge junkie and she dyed her hair purple. But Roland knew he was doing the right thing by going to see her. Whatever her motives, that woman knew _something_ that they simply had to hear.

THE END


End file.
